Anger, frustration, annoyance

I tried to be okay with it. I tried to be flexible, but let's be honest here, I'm angry. I put in a hard year, did it all on my own, kicked ass and took names. I did it because I wanted to, but I did it because I knew there was a light at the end. I was going to get to have an easier time the next year and be able to fine tune the stuff that worked, rethink the stuff that didn't and focus on the stuff that was missing. Now, I have to do it again. Sure, it'll be easier because I don't have to think about some of the stuff. However, I am frustrated. Perhaps I wanted to loop with my students, but I swore I would quit if I had to teach a combo class again.

I sat in a five hour meeting today getting more and more angry. Feeling disgust and annoyance with my coworkers because they didn't have to deal with this, and they aren't people who tend to step up and ask "How can we help?" (Well, most.) I wanted my situation dealt with right away. I didn't want to figure out discipline policies or rules for the cafeteria or how we behave during our morning opening. I wanted to know what my class was going to look like and how everyone was going to support a very challenging prospect. There was a somewhat heated discussion about the best way to implement certain discipline procedures and I found myself getting annoyed about it and just picking fights on certain points that were totally irrelevant, all because I am angry. I am angry I wasn't confronted, nor the parents, about this at the end of the year that this might be a possibility. I am angry that I not only have to teach a new grade, but the old one to boot and there is no plan in place as to how this will work. Its up to me to figure it out. I am angry that I am still expected to teach a GATE class after school when there are about 7 other teachers who do not have extra activities such as this to take on.

I am frustrated because I want to say "go screw!" and probably would have if I had known that this was a possibility earlier on. Which is, of course, why I wasn't told and so now I am angry because I don't have another option. I haven't lined up another job so that I can say "go screw!" I'm not trying to be a baby about it, but honestly I have been treated in the most unprofessional way. Despite all the crap at my old school, this NEVER would have happened. People teaching combos would know before the end of the year that it was a possibility. Everyone had to take turns doing the tough shit. If you got a bum deal one year, the principal usually tried to make sure it was fair the following year. There was enough support staff to help with such issues - aides, resource teachers, etc. This time I was kept in the dark as long as possible so that I wouldn't pick my highly qualified ass up and move somewhere else.

I know it happens all the time, but I'm still pissed. I guess I'll just have to draw the line better. Just class and intervention. No GATE, no extra activities, no late nights, nada...go screw!