I could Tweet about the life of the unemployed...

Such as the fact my neighbor spends about 40% of her time screaming at her kids. Putting together resumes, writing samples, cover letters and scouring the web for organizations with which I need to build connections, I hear her screaming, at the top of her lungs. One time she was screaming at her daughter after she had made some sort of mess on the carpet, "What the F$%# am I supposed to do? Goddammit!," repeatedly. It pains me. Its none of my business how she deals with her kids, obviously, but its sort of hard to tune out. She's young, friendly, but obviously an overwhelmed singe mother. The rest of the people that live in my complex seem to have varying degrees of employment, some working insanely long hours and their cars are hardly here, while others seem to either work from home or not work. Its sort of surreal experience, all in all.

Last night was another experiment in cheese-making and pizza. We again made mozzarella and a whey pizza dough, and used the homemade pesto from dinner the previous night. JE decided he wanted a calzone with broccoli and spinach from the farm. I made a green and white pizza with pesto, feta, spinach, zucchini and topped with the homemade cheese. I love summer.

Photos from the farm...

Homemade goodness

I spent another day at the farm. I picked berries, rolled hoses, cleaned the chicken coops, collected eggs and gained further insight into the goings on and challenges of it. It is definitely a 24-7 job.

A while ago BT was relating a story about a high school friend. The friend came to the realization that whenever times were tough she always returned to her two passions and eventually turned them into a business. It made me reflect on what I always turn to when times are difficult. It was a good exercise and helped me gain clarity and start moving in a more positive direction. Up until that point, I had been stuck. I thought quitting my job would be that move, but I realize that it was only a start. I had to go through the process of quitting and to a certain extent grieve that (a) I had "quit" something and all the negativity associated with that sense of failure; (b) I had built eight years of experience and couldn't see myself as anything else - I had knowledge, I had experience, others looked to me for advice or ideas; and (c) I had been unhappy for awhile and didn't know what made me happy. When I was able to come to terms with that and learn to accept, then I was closer to being able to move on and figure out what work would make me happy. I had to get rid of the voices that were telling me something was wrong with me or I was a failure or that I had made a huge mistake. Maybe I have made a huge mistake, but if I don't do this I would never know, so that's the risk.

So I left the farm with a smile on my face and some extra vegetables. Then I spent the evening making a beautiful vegetable casserole with my bounty and homemade mozzarella from the night before. That's one thing that makes me happy...

Farm Musings...

The panic of leaving my job and not yet finding a new one comes and goes. Despite knowing I did the right thing, it seems selfish. The economy is bad. So many people are laid off. How will I possibly find another job? I heard a story on a radio station this morning that was amusing and rather contrived, but the message was meaningful. I came in a little ways into the story. There were two sets of mice in a maze. The mice after much searching found cheese in room C and each day went there to eat. One day the cheese was gone. The first set of mice found it gone and decided they must head out into the maze to find a new source of cheese. The second set of mice found it gone and are confused. They wonder what could have happened to the cheese. They wonder who could have done this. They leave only to return the next day and find there to be no cheese. The "wiser" of the two mice feels that this is quite unfair and laments how this could have possibly happened and is determined to get to the bottom of it. Each day they return to no cheese. The other of the two mice feels that they should venture out in search of new cheese. The former is bothered by this because he does not want to leave what is comfortable, what he worked so hard to find in the first place, and he feels he is too old to venture out into unknown territory again. The second mouse is influenced by the "wiser" mouse's reasoning and decides he is right. After awhile the second mouse starts to envision himself leaving and finding new cheese. He envisions himself with cheddar and camembert and jack cheese. This emboldens him to venture out, but the "wiser" mouse's musings continue to hold him back. I lost the radio signal at this point, but one can surmise the ending.

I began volunteer farm work a few days a week at Pie Ranch. Its only been a few days, but I have really enjoyed it. I seem to have found some kindred spirits, other who seek to find their path in life. I harvested berries, beets, other vegetables, flowers, eggs and helped get the farm stand ready for market today. As payment, I received some pullets, beets, turnips and rainbow chard. Yummy! I felt very motivated by the Enforcer's volunteer efforts and when I found this farm I was quite excited as they are doing something I have thought of frequently. I lack the farming knowledge. I have thought of doing an apprenticeship, but living on a farm poses rather difficult since I doubt very much JE would be interested in living in a tent for 6 months to a year. But I will continue on through the maze in search of more cheese.