It's so angry...

One sinus infection, two days of marathon conferences and 26 report cards later, I feel like I've been trampled. I had forgotten how miserable sinus infections can be. Its been over a year since I have suffered from one the way I used to. Its really miserable. Its hard to imagine I spent a year getting them about every few months. Ugh. Overall I'm pretty lucky, but when I am sick or hurting it reminds me of when I suffered a lot more or when I had chronic pain, and I think of how far I have come since then. Managing stress is so crucial. Its easy to see the effects when they manifest themselves as pain or illness. Living with either of those things is pretty miserable. I'm still not there yet. I have yet to learn to let go, the slightest things still upset me, and I react personally to a lot. I decided this year I needed to work towards two goals - letting go and standing up for myself. I think if I could let go I would enjoy my job more. However, I ultimately think that my school asks too much of us. It goes back to the standing up for myself part. I need to not feel guilty because I say no to something. Its not a volunteer position and yet the expectation is that we give a certain number of volunteer hours. Its ultimately absurd. You can argue all you want that we get time off, blah-blah, but technically if you figure a normal work year is 2,080 hours - that's what they base a typical salary on - then I probably cram those hours into 44 weeks as opposed to 52. Which can be exhausting at times. Its all a matter of setting limits and being able to stand up for myself when I do. Why is it so hard? I couldn't even stand up to a parent who has repeatedly showed up late (15-20 minutes) for meetings and has not shown up several times and expected me to reschedule. She showed up again 10 minutes late this week and then I had to fit her in between parents. How do you tell this person, "Hey, you show me you don't value my time, so if you're not here on time I will not be able to fit you in." Then again, maybe its not a big deal and its one of those things you just have to let go.

As of yet, I don't seem to be able to make this happen on my own. I talk about seeing someone and don't even have (read: make) time to schedule that in my life. Its time to remake my priorities and respect my own needs and time.