Overload, Adjust, Overload, Adjust

These past weeks have been repeated moments of feeling completely overwhelmed. Today's little gem came when I was observed. It wasn't actually an observation of my actual teaching, but whether or not my walls were up to par. I was being evaluated as to whether I had the right stuff up. Did I have my sound spelling cards up? Did I have my behavior stuff up? Did I have my high frequency word wall? (For which I have not found the research for fifth grade.) Did I have my key standards posted? Did I have my theme table with realia, books and pictures? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHh! Let's start with my laundry list of things that aren't getting done to help me:

(1) Materials. I have too many materials because I got everything for both grade levels (fourth/fifth.) We are busting at the seams. I have sets of guided readers for fourth grade reading, fourth grade science, fourth grade social studies, fifth grade reading, science and social studies. I have math books in Spanish, which are not being used because of some adoption issues. I have two sets of teacher's editions in math for 4th and 5th, but none in English. They come in these giant cumbersome carts as well. I have these large plastic drawers that are cumbersome - in both English and Spanish, for each grade level - that contain "Workshop" materials. I have six large plastic bins with Science materials for experiments. Its like an explosion and every so often I stuff things in cabinets.

(2) Materials. A severe lack of the needed. We agreed that we would use literature (gasp, actual novels) for our Spanish language arts, but after several attempts to get them ordered, still NOTHING. I don't have, as aforementioned, the teacher's editions for math in ENGLISH. I need bookshelves to store the billions of materials.

(3) Things that I was supposed to have received last year for my walls that were never given to me. I just refuse to create more stuff when I already have so much to do.

I am learning three new curricula because of new adoptions, not to mention a new grade level for science and social studies.

In addition to the fact that I am at school from 7:30 to 6:00 every day, we have events this week and next and then parent conferences. Its such a joke. I thought I would do this after school science class two days a week, and then Saturday school to prepare for the state tests, but honestly, I'm feeling done and its only October. Great.

Advice

I received this in one of those annoying fowards today, but I thought it pretty funny:

YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

Pretty much. The weeks have now evolved into months and I have been busy. I'm liking my new routine and enjoying my new house. BT and hubby came for a visit this weekend and it was so nice to have a place where you felt you could welcome people and entertain. Our old place was like a cave and cramped. The high ceilings and improved layout make it feel so spacious and airy.



Overall, things are going well. I feel better, I'm not nearly as tired (despite getting up at 4:40 to go to the gym,) and generally things are just much rosier. I'm also working hard to change my attitude. I felt angry, stressed out, and overwhelmed three months ago, but I guess I am finally setting limits and establishing what's important. It's been tough because often we get those messages about how we need to be present at more functions. I understand the reasoning behind this, but it also presents a great challenge to me and so other people will just have to pick up the slack. I don't have the option of going home for a few hours after work, eating dinner and doing some chores and then going to a meeting. If there is a meeting, I stay at school until 6 or 7 and then go. It makes for an extremely long day. I'm just not willing to do that more than once or twice a month. I stayed for everything last year and I was too worn out. I understand that it is my choice, but its also a choice to stay for countless meetings and one I have to make respectfully for my own well-being. It seems to work out better.

I also have a daily reminder in the form of Little Miss Negative (LMN.) It reminds me that no one likes a whiner and that I need to be positive and try to find solutions to problems, instead of excuses as to why I can't do my job. I don't think I was ever quite so bad while at work. However, my friends, family and select colleagues certainly heard enough and thought I should quit because of how miserable I was last year. I can understand this other teacher's frustration, but she is a daily reminder of a personality trait I don't like in myself and work to adjust. Therefore, she is annoying and beginning to get on my nerves. We attended a really great training (OMG, yes, I did say that, for only the second time in my teaching career) this past Saturday. It was absolutely the kind of work I am interested in and something I can see myself teaching and guiding other teachers to do in another capacity. It finally put a system to all of the issues that I have been trying to figure out as they swim around helter-skelter in my mind. I really felt empowered and I can't wait to start using it. The entire time, LMN would preface everything with, "Yes, but..." or "Yes, well..." Every solution that the group suggested. It was exhausting. I believe deep in my heart that while I am that person, I am not THAT person. I like solving problems and in a professional environment, I try to behave professionally. My negativity is more with the people I love. I realize its not fair to them, and so I am trying not to be so negative. Thankfully, I have this daily reminder (if I don't punch her in the face or say "Enough Already!" before I can be introspective,) and that will make me a better person.