Yawn....

Little to say. I just watched the Oscars, which gets decidedly more boring each year. I'm the kind of person who doesn't see the movies in the theater, in fact I've never seen Million Dollar Baby, nor have I watched the Godfather in its entirety. When it comes to movies, I think I was born in the wrong era. I love old movies. I love the simplicity, the over dramatization, the lack of special effects, and the simply delightful old timiness of it all. I watch movies, new movies too, but I could mostly care less about whether or not I see things in the theater or two years later on my couch.

It was nice to have a week off, but tomorrow its back to work. It allowed me some time to prioritize, chat with friends and boyfriend, and get all those mundane things done. Its sort of silly because I have four weeks until I am off again for a week. At which time I will probably plan for the next four weeks and relieve some of the burden that keeps piling up. I had a good conversation with BT about not making apologies for choosing my life and health over my job, so its time to decide how to restructure and make my health and well-being the priority for a time. I'm just too tired by the end of the day and it doesn't make sense. And by the end of the week, I crash. Part of it is the commute, but part of it is this constant adding on. My school strives to be above the rest by providing more and more for its students, but I have to ask at what point does it become too much for the teacher. And then I have to think that maybe I don't love it enough if I'm not willing to make it my life. And that's when I want to quit. I seem to think that because other people do it, that means I have to also. By not doing said thing, I must be lazy or not care. The guilt sets in. So, BT went to this forum about successful women in her field and the bottom line was that all the women figured out what worked for them, did it, and did not apologize. What can be sacrificed for the remainder of the year, will be. As for next year, one of two things will happen: I will move and keep my job; or I will stay put and find a job closer to home or that has more flexibility in terms of its hours. That's probably a decision to make for my next week off. As for now, the priorities are (1) my health; (2) my relationship; (3) my plan for going back to school for a masters or finding another job; (4) friends and family; and (5) the fourth grade curriculum (and not some of the other stuff that is too much extra busy-work.)

I thought I could do it all, but I am realizing that its impossible. I can't continue to commute or I can't continue to live where I do, so which is more important? Still to be decided.