the unstandardized test

Nine months of therapy...down the tubes...

2011-10-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

With one family drama. A while back, DWR posted a pic of 8 ways to enjoy the Alaskan Trails. I apply them to the managing of holiday expectations.

1) Leave no trace.

Husbands are good for this. They can recall conversations that parents don't seem to recall and remind you that you're not crazy. "Yes, we did have a conversation about what people's plans were, my husband remembers it as well even if you don't, so nah-nah-nah-nah-nah."

2)Share the experience. Be considerate.

Call me. Ask me if I could please ensure that no one's feelings are hurt and that everyone's needs are met by having a civilized conversation. Yes, we now have to share holidays with other families, that is hard. Then, let's come up with a way in which we get to be together in a way that works for everyone.

3) Observe the rules - know the law.

And, to quote, "I'm the law, bitches!"

4) Enjoy and respect plants and wildlife.

Let's enjoy each other, but respect that perhaps our expectations are different and unless we TALK, no not email, we can't know what everyone expects...and now we have wildlife.

5) Respect property rights.

Again, we all have certain limitations, things we are willing to do, and we must respect those financial or other restrictions.

6)Be willing to yield trail.

Yeah, so I sort of felt like I always yield the trail, which is why I had to go to therapy in the first place.

7) Plan ahead. Be self-reliant.

If you work in retail and know that the likelihood you will have to work is rather high, then perhaps you should make this known when plans are being made. "Oh, btw, remember how we decided to alternate holidays so everyone could be together, well that only works if you can come visit us because we probably won't be able to make it down." Ok, I will plan ahead. I will know that not only do I have to plan for funds to go back East, but also funds for staying on the West Coast.

8) Be alert - act safely, think safety.

I need a drink before I engage in certain conversations with family. Ugh.

I...want...to...RUUUUUNNN!

2011-10-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

Swim, bike, exercise, whatever! Oh, so very frustrated with my leg. Last week I tried a little strength training, followed by a VERY easy swim the next day and seemed okay. Then I went to the PT on Wednesday. He poked, prodded, moved me in ways that caused pain. And guess what...the week of COMPLETE rest, completely undone. I'm supposed to be doing these exercises and very subtly move, but even subtle movements means later pain...that's not good. Its funny. Last year, this time, I injured my foot. My guess, and the irony, is that if I had undergone physical therapy then for my foot and corrected a problem that was way less painful (at least I could swim), I would not be in this predicament. But, instead, I went to a podiatrist, who shot me full of cortisone, put me in a boot for 6 weeks, and ordered me to rest. When things didn't get better (ie, I couldn't go back to running), I went to see an ortho, got an MRI and was told I probably needed surgery. I know there are people out there who have ideas about how athletes (and I say that loosely) should be treated. I would like to find one.

I go back to PT tomorrow and will inform my PTist that his exercises cause me pain or he caused me pain. I would like to have some relief from my pain. I would like some exercises that after doing them a few times, relieve my pain. I don't want to be in PAIN anymore! I guess its time to get mad and take control.

So much for my happiness project...I guess that's my new happiness project - pain free.

Irony

2011-09-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

I joined Facebook recently. Perhaps it was a matter of "how long can I be a hold out?" I did the same thing with my cell phone, I was one of the last of my friends to have a cell phone. Which, in hindsight, was pretty ridiculous. I don't know how many times I missed someone I was supposed to meet because I had no way to get a hold of them. Facebook was somehow different.

JE and I went to a wedding of a high school and family friend last weekend up in Foresthill. It was gorgeous and a little surreal. Her sister, who was my good friend and swimming buddy, is married to someone from our high school. His sister was also there with her husband. His best friend, also a HS friend, was there with his girlfriend. We were sitting with the later four and it was sort of weird to think about HS again. We left early because JE had the Tahoe bike ride the next day. On our trip to Tahoe, we passed the sign for Pollock Pines. Having just seen some old high school friends and acquaintances, I was reminded of my high school best friend. She came from Pollock Pines our seventh grade year and we instantly became friends. I lost touch with her around the time I went to Mexico. I remember hearing that she moved somewhere near where I currently live. I remember thinking I should look her up, but didn't really have a way to do so...or so I thought.

So, after the wedding and the little stroll down memory lane, I did look her up...because now I am on Facebook. I found out that we have lived in the same town for the past 7 YEARS! Living our lives mere blocks from each other. However, the irony of this is that two weeks ago, she moved...back to where we grew up. So, a little irony for your day.

I smile though because she and I were always kindred spirits and to know that for quite some time we ended up in the same place is so fitting.

Anti-inflammatory

2011-09-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

At different points in my life, I have tried things for pain management. I suffer from chronic inflammation in my neck. When I am stressed, all sorts of fun things happen - the crunchies, tightness, increased teeth grinding at night, ear pain, etc. Its good fun. Last fall, as I mentioned, I suffered a foot injury that has since sidelined me from running (yes, I am reading about running shoes causing increases in injuries) and then recently, I over-trained on the bike and seem to be suffering from inflammation of the bursa or iliopsoas tendonitis, and my leg hurts, a lot. Of course, I am not a doctor, so until I go see one, I don't really know. After a year of spending money seeing podiatrists and orthopedics and getting nothing out of it, except "you need surgery," I don't have a lot of faith in the local sports medicine providers.

I did make some changes, most specifically to my diet. I have cut out dairy, except for the half and half in my coffee. I am not drinking wine because of the inflammation to my sinuses and I recently had the beginnings of a sinus infection (which is pretty much what happens when I get allergies anymore.) I cut out meat and only occasionally have chicken or fish. I cut out most wheat, although I will occasionally have pitas with a tuna sandwich or as toast. I definitely notice faster recovery with my sinus issues. I have barely done my neti pot and I am already feeling less stuffy. I dropped weight within a week of this plan. It hasn't had any affects on my more chronic issues or injuries, but I am trying other things as well for those issues. BT introduced me the Nutrition Data from Self and I am quite fascinated by the inflammation factor rating. For example, almond butter has great anti-inflammatory properties if you eat 1,500 calories of it, otherwise its only mildly anti-inflammatory. Leeks, it turns out, are high on the anti-inflammatory rating. Wild salmon is the all time anti-inflammatory, which we all knew. Too bad its so damned expensive and who knows how much longer it'll be available...hmm. And so the experiment continues with the hope that some day I will be pain and injury free and feeling as good as I did last April and May when I did this diet plan (and didn't have the leg or foot pain) for the first time. Searching for the balance...

My body continues to fight me...

2011-09-05T14:28:00.001-07:00

Or the other way around. This past year has been a year of injury and the return of some chronic pain issues. It has put me back to a very frustrated place of ten years ago. Frustrating because I thought I had learned so much, made strides to deal with pain and injuries, and yet, here we are again. But I must remind myself of one very important detail. My body reacts in a very physical way to stress and emotion. An injury last fall in my foot sidelined me from running. Shortly thereafter, I began to have the pain problems in my shoulder and neck again. Without an outlet for stress and emotion (the running), the chronic pain issues resurfaced. So, I got back in the pool and rediscovered something I had once loved very much. It changed my shape and left me quite svelte for my wedding day (although the tan lines were hilarious.) I was feeling very good. I had my routine of Jillian strength training, swimming and some yoga. I dropped about 8 pounds that I had been carrying for way too long. I also started focusing on my diet and began to rethink some choices. Another wonderful little reaction to stress is stomach aches. I have since realized that I seem to have an inflammatory response to everything (no pun intended) -allergies, stomach aches, chronic pain in my neck, back and shoulders. It has become very clear that some major life changes are in order. I am pretty sick of being sick or in pain.

I am now sidelined with some crazy pain in my leg - this is new - from biking, which I was also excited to rediscover, until the pain, of course. To boot, I have come down with one of my infamous sinus infections. (Bless you sudafed for all you do to relieve my sinus pressure.) So, again, I have to become one of those people for whom a very restrictive diet, careful exercise and stress/emotion management must be a daily thing because, like I said, I am sick of being sick and in pain. I like being active. I like being calm (I use this in place of happy.) I like being pain and allergy free. (And so does my husband.) He has a very hard time when I am sick or in pain. He is patient, caring, attentive and so very loving. But I know he hates that I am suffering and he wishes he could make it stop. Yeah, so do I. So I rest. I have given up on the idea that I will ride the Tahoe ride next weekend. I will take care of myself. The pain will go away. The stomach aches will stop as I restrict things like dairy, gluten/wheat and red wine. The allergies will get better too. The experiment continues.

Sporadic

2011-08-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

Its been so long since I posted, that I doubt friends are even checking anymore. I have been married 3 months now and still smile when I think of what a gorgeous day it was. The weather was perfect, we were surrounded by friends and family, everyone had such a good time, and I married my best friend. It is true that you will be glad its over, but I wouldn't have exchanged it for anything. I have such wonderful memories of that day. Yes, its one day and there will be more wonderful days, but I am so glad to have those memories. It was a beautiful gift to be able to share something so special with everyone.

Life moves ahead at a somewhat frantic pace. Both JE and I are working long hours, which has put a bit of a strain on us, and required us to think about how we structure our life. It certainly means a little planning and delegating. I am still only at 90% in my job (salary-wise, of course,) but my new role is proving to be one of those that could potentially take over and require 100% of my time (which would mean that I am at 160% time-wise.) I realized very recently that I enjoy the process of problem-solving and/or design and the implementation process; the figuring out of how something can improve, putting together a plan to do so and executing it. This was probably a very useful thing to realize for someone who has struggled to figure out what she wants to do with her life. It is something I have only ever applied to education, but it finally allows me to think about other areas that might be interesting. As JE replied when I revealed this to him, "Well, you are your father's daughter." Dad's an engineer. Yeah, well. I guess that makes sense. It was something I had always thought I had wanted to be, but after constant frustration in math and science, I gave up on that idea. Perhaps that is why I have taken to math and science in education so readily. Its a good place to be ultimately.

I have also been reading The Happiness Project and doing some of my own. Its made me think quite a lot. I decided to join a book club as a result of part of my project. It made me think of books I have read recently and of a trend I have long been curious about: the title with the apostrophe s. For example, The Tiger's Wife is one such title. They abound. And for whatever reason, I seem to have read a lot of them lately, so while this has really nothing to do with the rest of my post, I decided to share some of my apostrophe s favorites:

(1) The Magician's Assistant, by Ann Pachett
(2) The Tiger's Wife, but Tea Obreht
(3) The Heretic's Daughter, but Kathleen Kent
(4) The Hangman's Daughter, by Oliver Potzsch
(5) Ahab's Wife, by Sena Jeter Naslund

Despite the commonality of their titles, these books are pretty different and all wonderfully enjoyable. So, if you book club is considering a tribute to the apostrophe s book, any of those would be a lovely choice.

Waste

2011-04-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

It has been much too long since I last posted. JE and I are tying the knot in some 40 odd days. Life has been busy, stressful at times, but all in all, I am in a much better place than I was a year ago. There are moments in wedding planning when you realize that city hall makes so much more sense, or elope somewhere beautiful and have a party later. I have moments of guilt at the cost and shear over-done-ed-ness of the whole thing. At some point, just as many of my friends have, you realize that this isn't an event for you. Its an event for you and your family and their friends, and some of your values and expectations just go flying out the window. I really admire people who are able to maintain a sense of themselves in the whole process, and possibly a little more earth friendly in the process.

We have tried to maintain a sense of the simple. We sent save the date postcards on recycled cardstock. I also made our invitations on the same cardstock. We forced the issue of the RSVP card and envelope by asking people to respond online. My engagement, and likely only, ring is made from recycled and conflict free parts. It includes a diamond that was my maternal grandmothers, making it extra special - just a few ways we've tried to stay truer to ourselves. I can't really beat myself up about all the "didn't dos." I remember my brother having a similar realization. He was pretty fed up with all the stuff and in the end chose not to fight it. We will be surrounded by loving family and friends. It will be a beautiful party. It will create more waste and crap than we so desire, but we will make amends, and in many ways will just have to let go.

And for those brides who have done it in a more earth friendly manner, I salute you. As the waste and stuff piles up around me, I just sigh, and figure ways to repurpose stuff (and return) and eliminate unneeded stuff as much as possible.

I am so excited to marry JE, but I will be glad when this is all over.

Heading back to work...

2010-10-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

After volunteering, rethinking, analyzing and coming to terms, I am finally heading back to work. My position is only 70% at the moment with the hope of making it 100%. I am excited for a new challenge and to work in a place where my talents seem to be truly appreciated. My new bosses are very excited to have me. That can, of course, change, but its a new direction, a new set of challenges and I believe a good direction. A direction that will hopefully be more fulfilling.

My time off is officially over, but I am glad for it. I got to read a lot, do yoga, cook more, tend to a winter garden and be more relaxed. I have ticked off the wedding items: venue, stationary (DIY), photographer, website, registries and dress. This way its all out of the way and I can focus on work for awhile and not stress about wedding details.

Every so often I like to go over some books I have read and enjoyed, so here goes:

(1) MUST READ: Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese. This book is stunning. It is a reminder of human suffering and triumph. The descriptions are breathtaking at times and heart wrenching at others. You will fall in love with his characters and will not be able to put it down. This one goes on my Top 25 of all times or maybe 50, but its up there.

(2) Great beach read (or as I like to call them, candy reads): the Stieg Larrson trilogy (Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.) Fun, fun, fun.

(3) Luis Alberto Urrea, The Humingbird's Daughter and Into the Beautiful North. Both take place in Mexico. The first has elements of magical realism that is common in Mexican fiction. Not as good as Rain of Gold, but certainly worth reading. Urrea did a lot of work in the border camps and has another book that I am interested to read called The Devil's Highway that chronicle his work. Into the Beautiful North only touches on life along the border and crossing the border. Its more comical and heroic.

(4) The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett. I loved The World Without End, which is actually the second book, but I read them backwards. Every time a character seems to get ahead and his/her life is on track, something always happens that sends them reeling back. Its a bit formulaic, but you cannot help wanting more and rooting for the downfall of the villains and the triumph of the heroes.

(5) Bad Things Happen, A Reliable Wife and Fifty-Grand. More candy reads, decent, nothing memorable, but fun nonetheless.

My next read may either be The Great Room of a Roberto Bolano book I have in Spanish.

I could Tweet about the life of the unemployed...

2010-08-19T14:31:00.000-07:00

Such as the fact my neighbor spends about 40% of her time screaming at her kids. Putting together resumes, writing samples, cover letters and scouring the web for organizations with which I need to build connections, I hear her screaming, at the top of her lungs. One time she was screaming at her daughter after she had made some sort of mess on the carpet, "What the F$%# am I supposed to do? Goddammit!," repeatedly. It pains me. Its none of my business how she deals with her kids, obviously, but its sort of hard to tune out. She's young, friendly, but obviously an overwhelmed singe mother. The rest of the people that live in my complex seem to have varying degrees of employment, some working insanely long hours and their cars are hardly here, while others seem to either work from home or not work. Its sort of surreal experience, all in all.

Last night was another experiment in cheese-making and pizza. We again made mozzarella and a whey pizza dough, and used the homemade pesto from dinner the previous night. JE decided he wanted a calzone with broccoli and spinach from the farm. I made a green and white pizza with pesto, feta, spinach, zucchini and topped with the homemade cheese. I love summer.

Photos from the farm...

Homemade goodness

2010-08-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

I spent another day at the farm. I picked berries, rolled hoses, cleaned the chicken coops, collected eggs and gained further insight into the goings on and challenges of it. It is definitely a 24-7 job.

A while ago BT was relating a story about a high school friend. The friend came to the realization that whenever times were tough she always returned to her two passions and eventually turned them into a business. It made me reflect on what I always turn to when times are difficult. It was a good exercise and helped me gain clarity and start moving in a more positive direction. Up until that point, I had been stuck. I thought quitting my job would be that move, but I realize that it was only a start. I had to go through the process of quitting and to a certain extent grieve that (a) I had "quit" something and all the negativity associated with that sense of failure; (b) I had built eight years of experience and couldn't see myself as anything else - I had knowledge, I had experience, others looked to me for advice or ideas; and (c) I had been unhappy for awhile and didn't know what made me happy. When I was able to come to terms with that and learn to accept, then I was closer to being able to move on and figure out what work would make me happy. I had to get rid of the voices that were telling me something was wrong with me or I was a failure or that I had made a huge mistake. Maybe I have made a huge mistake, but if I don't do this I would never know, so that's the risk.

So I left the farm with a smile on my face and some extra vegetables. Then I spent the evening making a beautiful vegetable casserole with my bounty and homemade mozzarella from the night before. That's one thing that makes me happy...

Farm Musings...

2010-08-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

The panic of leaving my job and not yet finding a new one comes and goes. Despite knowing I did the right thing, it seems selfish. The economy is bad. So many people are laid off. How will I possibly find another job? I heard a story on a radio station this morning that was amusing and rather contrived, but the message was meaningful. I came in a little ways into the story. There were two sets of mice in a maze. The mice after much searching found cheese in room C and each day went there to eat. One day the cheese was gone. The first set of mice found it gone and decided they must head out into the maze to find a new source of cheese. The second set of mice found it gone and are confused. They wonder what could have happened to the cheese. They wonder who could have done this. They leave only to return the next day and find there to be no cheese. The "wiser" of the two mice feels that this is quite unfair and laments how this could have possibly happened and is determined to get to the bottom of it. Each day they return to no cheese. The other of the two mice feels that they should venture out in search of new cheese. The former is bothered by this because he does not want to leave what is comfortable, what he worked so hard to find in the first place, and he feels he is too old to venture out into unknown territory again. The second mouse is influenced by the "wiser" mouse's reasoning and decides he is right. After awhile the second mouse starts to envision himself leaving and finding new cheese. He envisions himself with cheddar and camembert and jack cheese. This emboldens him to venture out, but the "wiser" mouse's musings continue to hold him back. I lost the radio signal at this point, but one can surmise the ending.

I began volunteer farm work a few days a week at Pie Ranch. Its only been a few days, but I have really enjoyed it. I seem to have found some kindred spirits, other who seek to find their path in life. I harvested berries, beets, other vegetables, flowers, eggs and helped get the farm stand ready for market today. As payment, I received some pullets, beets, turnips and rainbow chard. Yummy! I felt very motivated by the Enforcer's volunteer efforts and when I found this farm I was quite excited as they are doing something I have thought of frequently. I lack the farming knowledge. I have thought of doing an apprenticeship, but living on a farm poses rather difficult since I doubt very much JE would be interested in living in a tent for 6 months to a year. But I will continue on through the maze in search of more cheese.

Ahhhh...relaxation!

2010-07-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

It has to come to an end, but I am really enjoying my time off. I run, go to the gym, ride my bike, sit in the sun and do crossword puzzles - absolute bliss. Eventually I have to find another job and sooner than later. I look online and work on pages from a book that is supposed to help me be closer to the job of my dreams.

In wedding planning news, we have settled on a date, a venue and, while my mother in law to be was here, a dress. Check, check, check and check. While searching the web today for possible shoes to go with said dress, I found this little beauty. I'm not really sure what Gypsy Soule BH Alice is and I am sure I am not cool enough to know, but the $400 (yes, you read correctly) price tag just about made my jaw drop. I mean, really, does anything surprise us anymore? $400 for ugly flip flops, well of course. Does the flip flop massage my feet? Make me a better dancer? Do my laundry? I might pay $400 for something that has ongoing benefits...nah, not really, but please, dear reader, read on:

"The Gypsy Soule® brand of free-spirited shoes was founded in 2006 by two dynamic women with a flair for dramatic style, a bold risk-taking attitude and the guiding mantra "products for women, designed by women." From its roots in the western industry, the brand broke into uncharted territory by offering products that defined the intrepid personalities of its wearers and gave them the confidence to stand out in a crowd. After four years of explosive growth, the company has evolved to encompass two industry-renowned brands, Gypsy Soule® and Gypsy Cowgirl. Today, Gypsy Soule® brand style is uniting women from a variety of lifestyles in the shared pursuit of expressing their freedom and individuality. Gypsy Soule® brand shoes are handmade with the finest materials available. Artisans hand-embellish each unique piece with superior materials like natural cowhide, recycled metal conchos, and genuine Swarovski® crystals. Like couture fashion, each piece is individually made by skilled craftsmen for a custom look, and no two pieces are exactly alike. The Gypsy Soule® brand company personally ensures that its products are of the highest quality and will look great through all of your Soule's journeys. We are confident that you'll find that every Gypsy Soule® brand shoe and accessory you purchase will be made with the attention to workmanship and innovative fashion that defines the Gypsy Soule® brand. Gypsy Soule® believes in the freedom to choose your own path and the attitude to take you there. With a signature rock 'n roll attitude, Gypsy Soule® stands for bucking the status quo and for following your 'Soule' wherever it leads you."

Me thinks my soule leads me to broke! And what, might I ask are recycled metal conchos? This is not a Spanish work I have ever heard. Oh, now I see, $400 gives you a unique, one of a kind, UGLY flip flop. Now it all makes sense. We just keep reachin' new levels.

Long pauses...

2010-05-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

A lot has been happening and very little has been written. I got to sleep. I resigned from my position for the next school year. I continue to plan a wedding, although as I was running up against some unpleasantness when trying to please others, I kind of decided to ignore it for awhile. There is still time, and now we are back to it.

I have no idea what I will be doing for work, but I am getting closer to figuring it out. Yesterday I had a couple of students in my class from the class that will be moving up to my grade. These kids were defiant and rude and I was shocked. I have one student that can be pretty defiant, but he can't really get away with it because so many of the kids this year are so great, and they would just roll their eyes at it. I am very glad I will be missing out on the opportunity to not only battle the environment in which I work, but also those students. Their very seasoned and exceptional teacher this year has even said its the hardest group she has ever worked with.

So that's a good thing. I guess I'm not too great at connected with those students who are really tough cases.

I have 9 more days. After which, I will be taking a trip to Seattle to visit my brother and sis in law and then its off to Boston for a wedding. I have never been in the summer, so this is very exciting. I can't wait to wilt. Following that, the in-laws to be come for a visit for a week. June is a busy month, but I am very excited for all the friend, family and relaxation time.

I have almost finished my current read, The Lacuna, by Barbara Kingsolver, and am really loving it.

Next up, when it arrives, is the third book in the Steig Larsson trilogy. They are a lot of fun and will be an excellent summer read. I also have The Help, which is supposed to be another great read.

So once I finish with the trips and the books, it will be time to get a new job, and really a new career. Whoa.

Sleeplessness

2010-04-21T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've had bouts of insomnia before, a few days here and there, maybe a week, this is altogether new to me. I haven't had a full night's rest in ten weeks, since the break I had in February. It started with Sunday nights, I'd fall asleep for an hour or two, then I was up and couldn't fall back asleep. Then, I would sleep for a couple of nights normally enough, 6 or so hours. It would hit again after those few nights of sleep. I knew it was really bad when at the start of my Spring break, I still couldn't sleep.

Evidently, there is a lot going on in my life. I was ready to leave my job. I was applying for new jobs. I still do not like my job, but it's not okay to want to leave or worse, to actually leave, because there are so many people who don't have jobs and are struggling, losing their homes, piled under debt, etc.. I think it has a lot to do, however, with my sleeplessness. Today, on my drive home, I envisioned screaming at my boss and telling her "I quit!" Then, I cried. I realize my problems are insignificant compared to others. I have a wonderful partner, with whom I am about to embark on a new life. I get that. Planning a wedding is stressful, for sure, but its not that stressful compared to other stuff. JE is licensed now and working on his own on the side, which is exciting for both of us, and perhaps a bit stressful. I get it, problems are relative.

Mine are keeping me up and night. I've tried doing my runs in the evening, relaxing with tea, yoga, breathing exercises, unisom, benedryl, acetaminophen, and cutting out alcohol, spicy food, and caffeine. I have now entered a pattern whereby I sleep for short periods of time, but I never actually feel asleep. I am no longer exhausted in the morning with this pattern, but I can barely stay awake driving home. Its dangerous. I drive a very dangerous road, not exactly the best place to be falling asleep at the wheel.

Its frustrating. At this point, I seem to be chasing myself. I can't sleep. I worry about that now instead of my other problems or in addition to them. Home is safe. I get here, go for a run or do some yoga, eat a healthy dinner, and read for a bit. Its almost as if the anxiety of going back to a place that isn't safe is keeping me up. Hm. Food for thought. Perhaps tonight I'll sleep on that.

Its settled then...

2010-04-11T14:12:00.000-07:00

I realize I may be stressing out way too soon, but I think it was sticker shock. We looked at another venue this morning and it was perfect. The site coordinator was very pleasant and seemed organized, and pleased to have us there, unlike yesterday's rather bored coordinator. The site is absolutely gorgeous and includes a lot of niceties that the other sites didn't - umbrellas, heat lamps, cocktail tables near the dancing, fireplace, a bride's room with champagne and hors d'oeuvres for the bridal party. It is indoor/outdoor with great big trees all around and sweeping views. It was a little on the higher priced side, but we decided that it was worth doing the cheaper Friday event for the venue. It may exclude more people, but honestly if they want to be there, they will. If not, more cake for us.

It looks like June of 2011 is the proposed date. My mom thinks we should do it this August or September. That is certainly an idea, but it doesn't really save us any more money, unless we did Friday and August or September. They are offering $1000 off for their bookings late summer or early fall of this year, which is nice, but it doesn't make a Saturday event any more feasible. It also doesn't give much time to those on the East Coast to save money and make arrangements. Another advantage to a Friday date is that we can do something Saturday with our out of town (state) guests. So its settled.

Now that that much is taken care of, it feels like a load off my mind. I haven't been sleeping well these past months and the initial stress of planning a wedding to boot wasn't helping. I think a lot of it has to do with how toxic my work environment continues to be, and really wanting to be done there. The addition of a wedding to our life has somewhat forced me to rethink my plan of finding a new job this summer. Rain, lack of sleep, the ending of my Spring break, its making it hard to want to push through those final months and conceive another year of it. I know, boo-hoo, getting married to a wonderful man, get all this time off, life is so hard. Now if I could just get my brain to stop and rest at night.

How do they sleep at night?

2010-04-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

You read the estimates, you look at the suggested allocations, you create spreadsheets and run the numbers and at the end of the day its just daunting. I have assessed more than 10 different venues. I have looked at four. It is just astounding. There is a reason people opt not to do this affair. There is a reason city hall is a nice thought. After going to one of the premier wedding venues this morning, I just about died. It was just to look, we really did think it would fit in our budget. $23K was the ceremony and reception alone. That doesn't include decorations, music, and the myriad of other stuff required for a wedding. JE and I would like to have a nice party with friends and family - both of which are very important to us. We are also pretty frugal people. We make our food nine out of ten times, we walk places as opposed to driving whenever possible. We reduce, reuse, recycle. We plant our own food. We're not die hard eco-warriors or anything like that, but we are conscious of our consumption and waste and try to be mindful. We both like the outdoors, so we are thinking we'd like something that is indoor-outdoor. The venue we visited this morning completely wore us out. We both just felt numb, both cost-wise and how little it really fit into our personalities. After a not very good lunch we decided to check out one more spot that was a find by my sister-in-law. Simply put, we adored it. It is a botanical garden associated with the University. Its low-key, but could be lovely and elegant. We would be supporting something we both care about. Its not going to break the bank. Its up on the hill and if you go far enough into the garden you get some pretty spectacular views.

I think, quite honestly, after a few more just to see its not-also-a-good-pick, that I may get to quit looking. And after only a week, how delightful. I have found this process a little stressful to be honest. I will be glad when the date is set in stone and the venue is secured. I won't really be able to focus on this too much after Sunday. Its back to school, testing is around the bend, and eventually I will have to start packing up my classroom for my third move (not counting when I first moved in) in three years. Do you think they are trying to tell me something?

30% Premium

2010-04-05T14:38:00.000-07:00

I live in a lovely, wonderful place, and today, while on spring break, got to attend a fabulous yoga class and drive home along one of the prettiest roads in the country. (Next time I'll take my bike since it won't be raining.) As the rain cleared and the sun peaked through the clouds, I couldn't help but feel just pretty darn happy. However, I pay a premium to live here.

Now, I am learning about a new premium - the cost of getting married. Our thought was to keep it local so that my beau's out of staters could enjoy a destination wedding of sorts. Fortunately, the venues we have seen so far do not have the wedding season increase, but man this stuff is expensive. We are pretty simple. It is important, as JE has said several times, that we don't create giant piles of stuff that is just going to get thrown away. He has done enough trips to the dump to know how much stuff people throw away. The idea of amassing stuff is troublesome to us as well. We would like to support local businesses, keep costs down, and be as "green" as possible. Somehow, you get going and it is somewhat overwhelming. Now that I have a little down time and have worked out possible case scenarios, I am starting to feel better and starting to sleep again.

I think I am wedding-planned out for the day and my patio and book are calling to me.

So sparkly

2010-03-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

We sat down at the picnic table under the redwood trees, next to a lovely stream, and he says, "This is a nice spot...to get engaged." He got down on one knee and pulls a yellow box out of his pocket, hands shaking, opens it and asks "Will you marry me?"

I've never been one of those "Oh, I can picture the day. I've dreamed of this my whole life." kind of girls, but I was overwhelmed with emotion and immediately wanted to tell all my family and friends. To be cliche, it was perfect. And I said yes.

A week of recharging

2010-02-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

I mastered the art of the "stay-cation." A week off. I did yoga, ran, sat in the sun, watched the tree in front of my window bloom, shopped for Spring - garden and wardrobe, and planned for the next stage of my life. It was a nice way to recharge my batteries.

Last night we went to friends for a barbecue and I think I pretty much undid my weeks of healthy eating and solid exercise in one sitting. I made a Pear and Almond Tart as I had been wanting to try my hand at it for awhile. I have this bad habit of thinking I can improvise with cooking equipment and this is one of those times I should have bought the needed instrument. In this case, I needed a pastry pan. It certainly tasted divine, but it didn't look as pretty as it could have. Its one of those desserts that when someone asks you "What's in it?", you ask them if they really want to know because the answer is pretty much "butter." Julia Childs was right, there just is no substitute for butter.

In failure, success

2010-02-15T13:21:00.000-08:00

I find myself back at square one. I spent a long time figuring out that my current job, and perhaps even career, is not right for me. Somehow, I seemed to think that I could quickly, and even easily, find something that is right. I have never really gone about this in a very methodical way. A good friend once asked me whether I would truly like teaching or just thought I would because I knew some people who had good experiences. I think that for a long time I didn't want him to be right. A few months back I came to that realization that when people asked me about how I felt about my job, the response did not reflect a true love for my profession as it should. I had come to a point where I was in more of a "what else can I do" situation, rather than "I can't imagine doing anything else" situation. Some tell me I am crazy to leave my job in June, with nothing lined up. That is not entirely the case. I have something lined up. I have a plan to determine a better path for me. In the meantime, I will volunteer with organizations that might align my path, I will substitute teach to cover the bills, and perhaps get a weekend job at a bookstore or local grocery store to fill in the gaps.

Perhaps it is crazy, no one leaves a good job in this down economy. That's just it, if I don't leave now another year, two, maybe three will go by and I just further postpone the necessary. This is known: I need to find my path and for too long I have been following the paths of others because I thought this was how it was done. The problem with this is that I am not them. I am me. I have followed the safe path and now its time to take a risk and find the right path. Of course its not easy, but I won't starve. Its not as if I will never get another job. I can do things in the meantime to make money to cover my bills. I may be scared to death, but I also feel a strange peace in making this decision. It is right.

Waiting...

2010-02-07T09:45:00.001-08:00

I applied for a new job. I interviewed once in October, again in January, and now I wait. Someone had warned me that this particular employer can take up to six months to hire someone. They weren't kidding. At the end of this month, it will be six months. I can't say that I am not frustrated right now and a bit disappointed. I thought everything went really well and I was exceptionally well qualified for this job. As it is basically starting from an entry level position, for which I come with loads of experience and training. I realize that nothing has been determined yet, I would at least expect a "no thank you" courtesy call since I was a top candidate "out of hundreds" - their words - and have already interviewed twice. But the waiting has sunk me into a bit of a gloom. I was so hopeful that the awful situation I have been in was possibly coming to an end. It still is, the goal is still not to go back, but without something secure, that is scary. I can always put myself out there as a substitute teacher. I am sure that even just targeting bilingual classrooms, I would get plenty of work. This last week, I put in 15-plus hour days between getting up for the morning gym, driving to and from work, the time at work, and the work I did at home. Yesterday I slept like I was on vacation. I read a book (so good, get The Thirteenth Tale or put it on your list if its not already,) and basically vegged. Its time for another break.

In another vein, it seems that others are increasingly unhappy at my school, for many of the same reasons I had been banging my head against the wall. Its weird. It doesn't change how I plan to move forward. Many of my coworkers are at the beginning stages of where I was, so its strange to watch the emotion. In the early stages I vented to people who were safe. First, it was colleagues (both of which have since left) and friends and family, then it was a professional. They all reflected the same things and eventually I arrived at the realization that a safe, healthy work environment for me is very different from what my school expects and pursues. I search for a place I can grow intellectually, professionally, and, in all honesty, financially. I seek accolades for my creativity and hard work, whether in the form of positive feedback or a raise. I seek feedback in general that helps me improve and advance. I know myself well. I am hard enough on myself. I think there are two speeds - fast and stop. The professional has helped me to realize that just because I am seeking something in between those speeds, doesn't make me a loser or a slacker. I seek to work with people who have honor, integrity and vision. I know its all too much to ask, and who do I think I am, you ask. I am anyone who is confident, honest, well-educated, disciplined, thoughtful, loyal (like a pit bull) and hard-working. I am arrogant, self centered and passionate. Hate me or don't, it matters little any more. I am not spiteful, vengeful, determined at the expense of all else and others. I am not horrible, cutthroat or cunning. So, I seek these things, its not so awful, its not asking so much. I ask that you shed your jealousy, your lack of confidence, your personal agendas, your fear that I might take your job, and be a mentor, a confidant, and a kick-ass employer. That's all. Not so much. If I have learned anything from the past six months of head examination, its that I get to maintain my sovereignty (as I have heard it called,) and I get to decide what is best for me. Here's to hoping I will find it.

On the Eve of...

2009-12-31T11:56:00.000-08:00

2009 comes to an end. It seems like such a blur when all was said and done. I went to get the makings for appetizers, New Year's brunch and the like. Its the last day of December and the Valentine's Day things are up. Its like the world is trying to speed things along. I'd like a break. A little time to stop and smell the roses if you will. I don't need reminders that February is right around the corner. Let me get through January - enjoy another birthday, pay off some bills, get to thinking about taxes, have another interview for a possible new job. I think that's fair.

So let's reflect. I would have to say the five best things about '09 were:
(1) Finding someone to talk to;
(2) My grandmother's 93rd year came to an end and we buried her elegantly and celebrated her and spent wonderful moments with family (she will be missed, yeah its weird its on the best list;)
(3) Finally getting to a place of better communication and understanding in my relationship with JE;
(4) Finding a possible new job;
(5) Taking more time for myself.

The five not so great things:
(1) Grandma's 93rd year coming to an end;
(2) BT's brother's accident;
(3) Getting out bid by $100,000 when trying to put offers on a house (HA!);
(4) My job;
(5) My brother moving even further away.

The five things I look forward to in 2010:
(1) A new job;
(2) JE getting his contractor's license;
(3) A better, albeit equidistant, commute;
(4) Tomatoes and the garden;
(5) Becoming more peaceful. (OM!)

All in all it was pretty uneventful up to about five or six months ago. It really does pour when it rains. But, I am healthy, JE's healthy, the rest of the family is healthy. We have all been quite fortunate in this economic downturn. There is not too much to complain about. I have been in this city for six years now, probably the longest I have stayed anywhere. I have lived in five different apartments, had two different jobs, found love, tried to buy an overpriced house, and continue to find myself and get closer to what I truly want for myself. And as things go, I am beginning to come back to what I have always valued and am getting better at being comfortable with who I am and the goals I have maintained for my life.

Happy 2010! May it be a calm one.

Favorite Books

2009-10-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

I recently finished The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. I had not read the reviews prior to picking it up. I had not had any input from friends or my book loving mother. I just thought it looked interesting. I don't deign to give you a run-down of the book because I think it needs to be experienced in that manner, without input.

This book led me to think about a lot of things. Upon finishing it, I was interested in what other people had to say about it. I wanted to know if this French, translated into English, novel was just another "quaint" foreign item, or if actually received the acclaim it rightly deserves. So, I looked up some reviews. There a quite a lot if you are interested.

It made me think of my favorite books. They are the books that when you finish you feel as though a friend has gone. I would probably have to go back and reread some, but I came up with a few:

(1) Rain of Gold by Victor Villasenor;
(2) The Elegance of the Hedgehog, by Muriel Barbery;
(3) Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger;
(4) The Color Purple, by Alice Walker;
(5) Their Eyes Were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurston (I've read this book six times...);
(6) Memoirs of a Geisha, by Arthur Golden (I read this book after the hullabaloo thinking that it was probably all hype, and truly love it;)
(7) Like Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen;
(8) Cold Sassy Tree, by Olive Ann Burns (I read this book as a teenager - sixth or seventh grade - and I think it was one of those first book experiences where a book truly touched me;)
(9) For Whom the Bell Tolls, by Ernest Hemingway (I read this while living in Spain, and Hemingway really is a master of his craft;)
(10) The Power of One, by Bryce Courtenay.

The characters in each of this books are still so vivid to me. There are so many more, but I thought I would share some.

That job

2009-09-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

That one. It could be the perfect fit. The one that lets me teach, but in a different, non-traditional environment. It could let me be creative, but within a structure I seem to need. It would be teaching two things I am most passionate about. It would be working at a really cool place. It could allow me greater flexibility. It could be it. I have applied. I am highly qualified. I should at least get an interview. I hope.

I had decided earlier that this would be my last year at my school. It could be very hard to leave now, if this is the job, but its a timing thing. How do I know this job will come up again? In the two years I have been watching for jobs on this organization's website, I have seen one other job that would fit my skills and interests. I am making progress towards paring down what I need from my job. The question is, how to get the answers to those needs in an interview? How to ask just the right questions to find out if this is a good fit? Perhaps it won't come around this time. It might be another job, but bit by bit, I will hack away and come closer to something that is a truer fit to me.

Last Week

2009-08-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

All done and said, I had a surprisingly good last week of summer. Despite the unfortunate situation I find myself in at school, I had a lot of good social events that softened the blow. I also think that the decision that this would be my last year (and I will continue to look for jobs all year long that fit into what I hope to do next,) has helped considerably. There is nothing more that can be done, so don't do it. I arrived to a new classroom sans furniture. It is a shell of a room - no whiteboards, no bookshelves, no cabinets, no counters, no sink, just boxes of my stuff. So there it sits, still in boxes. Boxes reminding me of how temporary this will be. In nine months time or sooner, I will no longer be there. How strange. I fought so long with this decision because I thought I was giving up. I had not made it work because I had not learned to let go. This is something I am working on.

Last weekend I went camping in Pinnacles National Monument. A completely worthwhile trip for all Californians. It has the coolest caves I have ever seen. I am a bit of a bat dork as well and was really hoping to see some - no such luck. On Tuesday we went down to the local amusement place and enjoyed a beer and watching people on the carousel. Wednesday night we played softball. Thursday I caught up with friends I had not seen in a while at a barbecue. We laughed, reminisced, were silly, ate way too much heirloom tomato salad and meat, and fell into comfortable patterns of familiarity. Friday, JE and I went to a local sushi boat restaurant and again stuffed ourselves silly. It was kind of like CSA for sushi, you pick something random from the boat and don't quite know what you will get. I always have to try the hamachi because that's my gauge as to the quality. This place rated high - fresh, reasonably priced (as sushi goes), and fun atmosphere. Yesterday I spent the day with my two wonderful girlfriends - one was visiting from New York, her new home. We took a picnic to one of the local wineries where we enjoyed a bottle, the beautiful setting, the sun, more heirloom tomato salad, several tastings, an offering of chocolate birthday cake from another group at the winery and good conversation. After they left, I met up with some other friends and JE who were out celebrating a birthday. We drank, danced, laughed and eventually called it. It was a good end to a summer of insecurity and indecision. It was much needed reminder of the things that are important in life and to me. The memories of my last week will be my pleasant reminders during those first grueling weeks of school.

Overgrown mess

2009-08-06T13:29:00.000-07:00

(This picture is for wintermute, it actually is about 3 feet taller now, ugh.)

My lovely garden has suddenly become an analogy for my being. It is an overgrown, neglected, tangled mess that is now locked behind a monstrous fence. After ten days of vacation, from my vacation - yes, i see the hilarity, I came back to a mess. And to boot, a mess behind a locked gate. It felt so frustrating, mirroring all that I am currently struggling with, and I melted. The reality of buying a house faded, the reality of my feelings about my job resurfaced, the reality about my severe lack of motivation set in, and I just cried for my plants. My poor, entangled, locked up plants. It felt like my arms had been cut off. Perhaps a totally ridiculous response to the mess, but that's what I was - a mess. Typically I spend my summers working and playing. This summer, I find myself sitting, staring, vacant. I dread going back to work. Not because its work, but because I don't care anymore. I don't enjoy it. It isn't right. I got so caught up in thinking I could make the house happen that I didn't stop to think about the fact that I was in no way going to be able to do my job for enough years to afford the house. I got caught up in how far behind the program I felt. Not married, no house, few assets. Its amazing how easily one can "jump on the bandwagon." Who's program? Certainly not my own. My program meant travel, living abroad, finding a job I enjoy, enjoying the environment I live in and enjoying the people I care about. I spend so much time falling apart and crying over the things I detest, that all of that has fallen away. I have been told that perhaps I just won't like anything I do because its in my head. I have been told that I should be grateful I have a job. I have been told that I should just be happy. What I am doing now is making me miserable and I keep thinking I can make it better if I just try harder, work harder, work more.

There is still so much of that past generation mentality programmed into us. Married. House. Kids. Work. I guess I have to remind myself that it isn't really what I want. I have given up so much these last few years. I have gained so much too. I have gained a loving partner and I would not trade that for anything. But I have lost myself. I have lost myself in a lifestyle and a job I don't belong to. I keep thinking that if I find a way to eliminate some of the extra stuff I do that it would reduce the burden and make it more doable. Its the culture. I have already identified that, but I haven't come to own it. I need to own that its not a good fit. I thought that I wanted to be part of something big, something new, something that would make a difference. It appears that while maybe its still what I want, its not what I am getting from my current situation. I look at my job like friends. I have a core group of very few friends and I am very loyal to them. I would rather put in a lot of quality time with a few, than a little amount of time with many. In my job, I am expected to put in a little time (and a lot of time) all over the place. It goes against my basic nature, thus making me feel like I do not do anything very well.

There it is for me to see. Its not right. Its not a good fit. Its not even for the kids, while I might be skinned for saying such a thing, but I have no more energy or love for what I do. Its not fair to the kids anymore than its fair to me. So, somehow, someway, this will be the last year at my school. I should have spent the summer looking for jobs, not houses, but some of use are just late-bloomers. I have no idea what my next move will be. I presented a business idea to JE last night and he thought it was pretty great, but I always feel like that stuff is just a pipe dream. Maybe I will go back to school. Maybe I will work for a non-profit. Maybe I will work at a coffee shop until I figure it out. Regardless, I'd rather be happy doing nothing than miserable doing something I don't love.

Ready to come about

2009-08-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

Remember that scene in office space where Peter and Joanna are having lunch and he tells her "I uh... I don't like my job, and, uh... I don't think I'm gonna go anymore." That's how I felt after spending a week contemplating. But see, I'm not allowed to say such things because (a) we're in this terrible recession and I'm just lucky to have a a job, right?!? and (b) I just had many weeks off, so how bad can it be, really. So, I don't tell people that because they tell me I'm lucky to have a job and aren't I on "vacation." Here's the deal about my "vacation." I see it as sort of pointless really. I mean, I love the time to recover, but I don't get to choose when that recovery occurs, I have to wait until schools out, so its not always the greatest. Sometimes I wonder if we had year round school, if life would be less hectic. Its also sort of like the Italian dilemma. Its great to have all this time off, but when you don't have the funds to go anywhere and enjoy it, sort of seems like I might as well be working. Regardless, I don't like my job. That was the conclusion I came to after 10 days away from the chaos. Twenty hours, ten of which were solo, there and back gives you a lot of time to think. I thought I wanted to buy a house, because the market is down and there are some decent programs for teachers, but when all is said and done I couldn't imagine doing my job for long enough to support my buying a home. So, in the end it looks like finding another job and saving more to buy a house makes a lot more sense. The question now is what do I really want to do...

Sucia Island sunset

Mama Harbor Seal and Baby

Buchart Gardens

Orcas seen from the Anacortes Ferry

Monster zucchini that grew while no one was there to pick it

Humble Pie

2009-07-15T19:10:00.000-07:00

I have run half marathons, a full marathon, thousands of miles during training. I used to swim miles and miles. I do yoga. I used to bike miles and miles. I've climbed at climbing gyms and outdoors. All of those things are easy to do and learn by comparison. I had never played 18 holes of golf until yesterday and it was humbling. I admit, I sprained my ankle and have been walking and doing yoga lately, so I am a bit out of shape, but I ache in places I didn't know I had muscles. Not horribly bad, but man, 18 holes was a lot more tiring than I ever thought. Technically I didn't even play all 18, I probably played through 12 to 14 of them. So here's to the Tiger Woods and Anika Sorensens out there, your sport requires stamina and strength that I had not imagined. I even thought I might be able to walk the course, because I run distances - right??? We took a cart and I was sure glad we did. Mind you, I take my hat off for the ability needed to play this totally frustrating game. A good golfer has talent. I never really considered that it was that physically challenging however, so I will now have my humble pie. A la mode if you please.

Roots

2009-07-06T14:04:00.000-07:00

It appeared my potatoes weren't doing very well. I thought perhaps they were rotting in the ground and so I harvested a bucket. It actually yielded some very tasty, albeit small, potatoes. For the fourth, I made the "French" version of the American standby. I'm not exactly sure why the recipe called it French Potato Salad with Bacon. Anyway, it was sans mayonnaise, with a light vinaigrette and bacon. Pretty simple. The beets don't seem to be getting much bigger. I can't quite figure that one out. I harvested one which had started to split. It went into the beet salad last night, tasted sort of earthy before I added the vinaigrette dressing.

Those were the good roots.

The other one sent me sprawling. I went to run a trail I hadn't run in a long time. One time I got spooked running there in the late afternoon - unknown, seemingly large animal, no other people for some distance - and I had since avoided it. I will probably continue to avoid it after last week's fiasco. I love the run because its really good hill work, straight up, more or less. The view at the top is spectacular. There are a lot of bicyclists that ride the trail, making it a little nerve-racking as you round blind corners that they tend to fly down. On the way down this past trip, that's exactly what I did. I am usually quite agile over the roots, but the uphill climb had left me quite sluggish. I was thinking about how I should be careful, maybe even stop to walk, when the root seemingly burst through the soil, caught my foot, which formed a perpendicular angle with my leg, and a popping noise rang in my head. I couldn't really tell if it was my ankle that made that sound or I just imagined it. My body immediately lurched towards the ground, my good leg catching it, and righting me into a yowling hop. I was a mile away from my car and cell phone, so I had to hobble back. Walk it off, right? It was really painful, but fortunately I knew what to do. I think I was pretty lucky. I performed the standard PRICE plus ibuprofen. Today I was able to do yoga, sort of one legged. However, now my foot is numb, so I think that means I should continue to take it easy. Bummer. Dumb root.

Books

2009-06-22T20:58:00.000-07:00

I won some books from kimsunee.com. I love getting books. I buy them instead of going to the library because I love the way the new book jackets feel. I love the way the pages look and sound, the sound they make when you take your thumb and flip one of the corners watching each page shuffle. I know I should go to the library and save money. That would be smart. I can't help it. I am now in possession of:

1. A History of Asian Americans: Strangers from a Different Shore, Ronald Takaki
2. Transparency, Frances Hwang
3. Free Food for Millionaires, Min Jin Lee
4. Trail of Crumbs, by Kim Sunee
5. The Fortune Cookie Chronicles: Adventures in the World of Chinese Food, by Jennifer Lee

Now I have a summer reading list. I'll keep ya posted on my recommendations. Thanks Hachette book giveaway and Kim Sunee!

Pesto Rigatoni with Sauted Rapini Greens

2009-06-16T09:14:00.001-07:00

We are still getting the CSA boxes despite the fact that my garden is about to explode. I've got a lot of great herbs, tomats have begun to bear fruit, zucchini plant is insane and has already given us three squash, and beets and potatoes are getting close.

We got rapini greens (brocoli rabe) from CSA and basil. I'm getting quite a bit of basil in the garden, so we sort of have to make recipes that use a LOT of basil. So Monday's meal was a lovely rigatoni with homemade pesto and greens. The pesto recipe comes from a book that I am more and more coming to adore, The Art of Simple Food by Alice Waters. Waters, as you well know, is brilliant. I didn't realize how much was missing from our meals until we started using this cookbook. It really is simple. The first recipe we tried was the Minestrone soup. The flavor was unbelievable. Usually, I throw things in a pot and sort of add an assortment of random spices. By following very specifically her recipe, we discovered crisp flavors that were never overly salty or peppery. Waters uses spices in ways that enhance the flavor of the ingredients, I use spices in a haphazard way that hopes that my food won't be bland.

The nice part of summer is that I get to do more of kind of cooking that makes me better. I think my cooking reflects my life. Most often, JE cooks during the week. I cook weekends and once during the week, more or less. I usually come up with ideas or plan our menus, but I fall short in the execution. Sort of like this school year, good with ideas, short on execution. Too overwhelmed, so I would rush through stuff. The summer allows me to explore, take time to really read and understand, reflect, and most importantly relax. Summer vegetables and fruits require that - a sort of slow, lingering moment to savor their richness and color - bright red tomatoes, brilliant green zucchini with their orange flowers like sherbet, glossy peppers in yellows, reds and orange, pink fleshy fruits, melons whose rough, scabby exterior opens to reveal a cool, sugary flesh you can practically drink. Despite evolving as a society that really doesn't need summer break, we do. We need to eat watermelon on the porch and spit the seeds at one another. We need to feel the warm sand under our toes and the cool water licking our ankles. We need to wear sundresses and sandals and big floppy hats. We need to sleep for hours or run for hours or play for hours. We need bicycles through the sprinklers and rolling down grassy hills. We need the sun on our face. We need hikes through the trees and babbling brooks to dip our tired feet. Its nice to recharge and enjoy the moments. I guess despite all the frustrations of teaching, this I can at least enjoy and know that despite many things it comes every year, giving me that much needed time to let go and get to a place where I can be a better me.

I got lost in all of this, so if your interested in the recipe, here goes:

Pesto (The Art of Simple Food)
1 bunch basil to yield 1 lightly packed cup
In mortar and pestle, pound to a paste (p.s. don't have - birthday???):
1 garlic glove peeled
salt
add and continue to pound:
1/4 c pine nuts, lightly toasted
Add: 1/4 c grated parmesan
Transfer mixture to a bowl, coarsely chop basil leaves and put them in mortar, pound into paste, return pounded pine nut mixture to mortar, pound together, continue pounding as you gradually pour in 1/2 c extra virgin olive oil, taste for salt and adjust as necessary.

Cook rigatoni

In olive oil saute chopped rapini greens, add salt, pepper as needed. I also added a tbsp of butter. Then I threw in rigatoni and pesto, stirred it all up, allowed to heat for a bit, then served. it was really fresh and very popular with JE, whose not a big veggie only eater.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T12:05:00.001-07:00

I always enjoyed food, but in an effort to establish my own identity shunned the ways of my talented mother. I watched my mom growing up, but never wanted to be that woman, the woman that came home from work and cooked for her husband. I was to be an independent woman.
My freshman year of college I met a friend with a passion for cooking. He and I shared tater tots in the dorm cafeteria, doused in lemon, salt and Tabasco when there was nothing else edible to eat and he shared his desires to create wonderfully elaborate meals. One day he got the idea to use the oven that was located in the common area of our dorm. We bought aluminum pans, cut rosemary from plants nearby, went to a local butcher to buy lamb, and bribed some older friends to buy us some red wine. We invited friends to join us in our dorm room; we snuck chairs and tables from the common areas, and set to work. We set the lamb to cook and meanwhile prepared a colorful salad, poured wine, sliced bread all the while in a very cramped space. When we returned downstairs to check our meat a dorm activity was underway – a hypnotist. The smells of our lamb roasting in wine and rosemary filled the room. Embarrassed and hysterical with laughter, we crept by eight students under hypnosis to retrieve our dinner. In fits of laughter we took our meal upstairs, joined our friends and enjoyed what was quite possibly the best meal of our lives; because, after all, we lived in the dorm and ate two dollar meals at the food court whenever we didn’t want to eat in the cafeteria.
This moment changed my relationship with food and my mother. She became something to aspire to, rather than shun. Food with friends and family has become central to my life. It is gift that I share with treasured friends and family. I love to experiment with food, share new finds with those I love, and most of all, with every meal I prepare and savor, I honor my mother.

Garden '09

2009-04-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

The planting is complete for the garden this year. The furthest planter box hosts tomatoes: stilitz, stupice, gajo de something, husk cherry, and amish salad. The makeshift greenhouses made from the potting soil bags are covering basil seeds, lettuce seeds and the potato tubers. The front planter hosts pumpkin, lemon cucmber and watermelon (all seeds,) zucchini, ancho pepper, rio de oro pepper and the aji amarillo pepper. At some point some transplanting may be required. The three black containers at the front host herbs, beets (only teeny sprouts thus far) and a Sweet 100 (tomato.) So, I exploded from last year's single box to two boxes, three rectangular boxes (10-15 gallon,) and 5 pots (15 gallons.) I planted early, used better stuff, and am keeping my fingers crossed. I had to pull up the beet sprouts to empty and move the older planter box, so I'm a little worried they won't survive the stress.

Additional tips I learned from my class: (1) Always water in the early morning, you don't want to send roots into the cold night temperature wet, especially when they are young plants; (2) If you use black containers (as I did because they were super cheap) you can super heat the roots during those dog days of summer, so it is suggested you create a shade barrier on their south facing side; (3) plants need lots of food (duh!) and that was something I didn't seem to think was all that important last year. Ever had that brown spot on the end of your tomatoes? Its called blossom end rot and it forms when tomatoes don't have enough nutrients. The suggested combo was 4-6-4, balancing the right amount of nitrogen (for leaf growth,) phosphorus (for root growth,) and potassium (for flower growth or fruit - my notes are a little hazy.) Now, one class does not make me ANY sort of expert, but I thought I would pass that along. Oh, and another thing that I need to go out and do, is any seeds if planted directly in the soil (which I did quite hopefully) should be covered with some sort of "greenhouse" and stay out of direct sun. Oops.

I inherited this book that's sort of commical called Down to Earth Gardening Know-how for the '90s. I'm assuming not much has changed from the 90's till now, so that will serve as my simple reference guide in the mean time.

Book Recommendations

2009-04-15T12:06:00.001-07:00

I haven't read much since the beginning of the school year, but here are some definite reads:

1. World Without End by Ken Follett (its the sequel to Pillars of the Earth, but need not to have read the first, I didn't)
2. The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga - brilliant!
3. Chains by Laurie Halse Anderson - this is young adult fiction, but beautifully written and a lot of great history of the Revolutionary War. Unfortunately its the first of a series/sequel and that sort of irritated me at the end, especially since I bought it in hardback. I will probably read it to my students in May.
4. Rumors of Peace by Ella Leffland - brilliant!

On my bookshelf for when I finish Rumors of Peace (about 2/3 through):
1. Deadwood by Pete Dexter - JE was interested in reading it, so I thought I might too.
2. Mudbound by Hillary Jordan - this was an NPR recommendation that I wrote down awhile ago.
3. The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano - picked up at the book exchange back when, but I just haven't gotten into it yet. Any thoughts?

I'm also reading Cajas de carton (English version - The Circuit) by Francisco Jimenez as part of our school novels with the students. I will say, reading and understanding novels with my students this year has been amazing. We don't actually read novels anymore in school as a class - just anthologies of stories, sometimes they are excerpts from novels. I have three specific memories - actually four - of reading as a child: (1) reading Island of the Blue Dolphins with my mom, mostly she read it to me; (2) my fifth grade teacher reading The Chronicles of Narnia aloud to us; (3) reading Julie of the Wolves with my sixth grade class; and (4) reading Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns. Many of my students are currently wrapped up in the Twilight series, others still read Harry Potter, and some The Lightening Thief series. The last one I found the most intriguing of the three, although it required quite an understanding of Greek/Roman mythology. Several people have told me they love the Twilight series just as much as my students, but I'm not there yet. I really think its a shame that we don't have core literature programs anymore, apparently they were deemed to not be effective means of teaching reading. Huh? Reading books is not a good way to get students to read - imagine that?!?

We've dumbed it all down, yet required such a breadth of material that students need to master by the end of each grade level, it really does boggle the mind. This summer I will be reading and trying to figure out how to apply Guiding Readers and Writers. Now that I have a better grasp as to what the students need to know and were they tend to be the weakest, I can better design my classroom to meet those needs.

Backyard Revolution

2009-04-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

The more people I talk to, and based on a class I attended today, the more it seems the world is making an attempt to grow its own food - backyard style. My mom's been doing it for years. Apartment living doesn't exactly provide you with the means for growing your own vegetable garden. Last year was our first attempt at gardening in a small space outside our apartment. It was a shining beacon of life amid a very dark, dreary place that was our last apartment. We have since moved to an equal sized abode, but one with nearly ten times the amount of light. It really has made a world of difference in my general well being. We have a pseudo-yard that we have basically transformed into a little backyard sanctuary, complete with a patio, patio chairs, fire pit (yes, built by JE,) plants in beds (highly drought-tolerant for our dry CA climate,) and a pea gravel area to allow for adequate drainage. The side yard of our house finally got cleaned out and proves to have the most sunlight, ideal for veggie growing. Today I attended "Gardening in Containers" held at the Love Apple Farm. If you are new to gardening, have limited space, or just want to understand why your tomato plant didn't grow to its full 7-foot potential, this is the class for you. Plus, I left with potato tubers, a tomato plant, a zucchini, an ancho chile, various seeds, and some herb plants. All of which I added to with the purchase of worm castings, a worm box and an additional tomato plant to replace a cherry I gave as a gift. Now my two 15 cu feet boxes have exploded into the entire side yard with plans for two 15 gallon pots with potato tubers, 2-15 gallon pot with beans, another with cucumbers with the possibility of creating a vine teepee. Okay, so it got a little out of control. I'm waiting for JE to come home and say, "you bought a what?!?"

There was a man there who was, little by little, tearing up his yard to grow vegetables year round. He had taken work off to take the class. I think I might have too, if I didn't have Spring break this week. So this year's garden should be a vast improvement to last year. I'm pretty excited about it all.

Community Sponsored Agriculture

2009-04-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

There is no sense keeping a blog if you don't post to it. People stop reading. If people read to begin with anyway. Not much of interest to report these days. Life continues at the same pace and in the same way. Exercise has been put aside as I seemed to be plagued with cold after allergies, after cough, after general malaise. Last week I started the Community Sponsored Agriculture. I had been meaning to try this awhile ago, but when its just one person, that's pretty silly. So I convinced a very meat-eating JE that we should try it. It actually didn't take much convincing because he likes vegetables a lot too. So far we've had whole roasted chicken with parsnips, turnips and baby carrots. Friday night was sauteed turnips and parsnips with a salad. The salad dressing was a mustard dill vinaigrette. It was a very tasty salad. Last night we had roast pork chops with bacon and greens. For desert I had strawberries and cream. JE's not a desert man. Weird. This morning for breakfast we had orach, marjoram, bacon and cheddar omelet. Best omelet I've had in a long time.

So, due to my illness of the last three weeks, I had to blow off the Pescadero Artichoke Half Marathon. That was disappointing, but there will be more. Today's activities include finding stores that will be open so I can get stuff for my planter boxes. Of the seven tomato plants I received from BT's bountiful seedlings, four will go in the ground, two did not survive and one I gave as a gift to a colleague who just lost her mother. I also have two pepper plants from the Master Gardener's pepper sale last weekend. About five of the 2 dozen beet seeds I planted sprouted, so I am hoping those will make it. In addition to planting, there is much yard clean up to do. I hear the boys down below loading stuff into the wheel barrels and guess I shouldn't hide for too much longer. Plus, if I help its the only way I get to spend time with the workaholic JE, who has worked 6 days for the last month and then does work in the yard on Sunday. Feeling neglected, who me?? Maybe just a little bit, but he knows it. Its good that he's working so hard and he certainly needs to save up the money in case work dries up, but its hard not to feel a little selfish and want to go play. I've worked hard all my life to be able to enjoy weekends and vacations, but that's not the way it works for now. Its actually kind of fun to do yard work and planting together, so I shouldn't complain. Hey, I could be with a guy who wants to sit in front of the TV and drink been all day and watch sports or play video games, so I'm pretty thankful that's not who he is.

March Already...huh

2009-03-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

I don't even pretend to stay connected at the moment. I am about as disconnected from all of it as can be. It seems pointless to go on about (again) the issues of my job, because, evidently, I am the issue. Yeah, well, we all knew THAT. It seems I have come a far stretch from the reason I started this blog, and a far cry from my tag line. About the only thing I am lovin' at the moment is my grapefruit Absolut cocktail. The rain, while wholly needed, is starting to get on my nerves. Yesterday's drive home was gnarly. The rain was sheeting as I navigated wonderful twists and turns. I poke along at about 45-50 miles an hour much to the chagrin of that annoying person behind me who doesn't understand the meaning of car lengths. Why bother when tricycle lengths will do?? My running regiment has sort of stalled and I tried supplementing with some yoga classes, but that lasted, mmm, two minutes. I feel like I am stuck in this fog of "weather sucks, job sort of sucks, economy sucks..." Yeah, well, suck it up, right. We're in this crap together and it could be much worse. I might have octuplets, for example. And that's about all the space that topic warrants.

At least I can begin to self medicate again. That whole nine months of no drinking thing...I know what you're thinking...Antibiotics, right? Yup. I only got through 5 before my liver officially said stop. I honestly didn't miss it. I seemed to have a lot more energy in the morning. Hunh, go figure. I probably gained less weight during "winter hibernation" than normal; although this morning's run would surely indicate a very different idea.

Hey, I'm just doing my part to stimulate the economy - eating too much, shopping for bigger clothes, etc., etc. Actually, not so much. Like so many of you, we have started eating pasta again. No, really. Its so freakin' cheap. That whole carbo thing was just to get us to spend more money. Don't you see it now? Actually, we really never stopped, but we have been eating vegetarian more days a week - I should say JE has been eating more vegetarian. I forgot what satisfaction I get out of a simple bowl of pasta with pesto. Its become a new comfort food. We've also been on the veggie lasagna train. I don't LOVE the recipe JE has been using, so if you have any good ones, pass them along. Of course, if I made it'd probably be better. I have to say I completely underestimated his ability to veer from a recipe recently and very much enjoyed a pea and basil soup. Yum!

Next week we go to science camp with the fifth graders. Its pretty much cramming for the exam. Teach them all the science regular teachers don't get to during the year because we're too busy with reading, writing and arithmetic. Actually, I do make an effort. I was completely stunned that my students, as we began our study of photosynthesis, plant systems (vascular), cellular respiration, animal systems, blah, blah, that they had very little understanding of plant parts. I asked them to name other vegetables that were roots and they answered "Corn!" I sort of have to wonder if I knew that as a fifth grader. Maybe not. Maybe we're so disconnected from our food that its like a foreign language. Perhaps we will have to grow a garden this spring.

It's so angry...

2009-01-24T14:35:00.000-08:00

One sinus infection, two days of marathon conferences and 26 report cards later, I feel like I've been trampled. I had forgotten how miserable sinus infections can be. Its been over a year since I have suffered from one the way I used to. Its really miserable. Its hard to imagine I spent a year getting them about every few months. Ugh. Overall I'm pretty lucky, but when I am sick or hurting it reminds me of when I suffered a lot more or when I had chronic pain, and I think of how far I have come since then. Managing stress is so crucial. Its easy to see the effects when they manifest themselves as pain or illness. Living with either of those things is pretty miserable. I'm still not there yet. I have yet to learn to let go, the slightest things still upset me, and I react personally to a lot. I decided this year I needed to work towards two goals - letting go and standing up for myself. I think if I could let go I would enjoy my job more. However, I ultimately think that my school asks too much of us. It goes back to the standing up for myself part. I need to not feel guilty because I say no to something. Its not a volunteer position and yet the expectation is that we give a certain number of volunteer hours. Its ultimately absurd. You can argue all you want that we get time off, blah-blah, but technically if you figure a normal work year is 2,080 hours - that's what they base a typical salary on - then I probably cram those hours into 44 weeks as opposed to 52. Which can be exhausting at times. Its all a matter of setting limits and being able to stand up for myself when I do. Why is it so hard? I couldn't even stand up to a parent who has repeatedly showed up late (15-20 minutes) for meetings and has not shown up several times and expected me to reschedule. She showed up again 10 minutes late this week and then I had to fit her in between parents. How do you tell this person, "Hey, you show me you don't value my time, so if you're not here on time I will not be able to fit you in." Then again, maybe its not a big deal and its one of those things you just have to let go.

As of yet, I don't seem to be able to make this happen on my own. I talk about seeing someone and don't even have (read: make) time to schedule that in my life. Its time to remake my priorities and respect my own needs and time.

Reset

2008-11-30T11:01:00.000-08:00

JE says that I am a different person when I am on vacation and, most especially, when I am with my family. He says I am a happier, calmer me. Now, if only, I could transfer that person to my present situation.

After two months of work continually overwhelming me, I realize how needed this break was. It certainly wasn't long enough. I came to a few realizations. First, I am failing miserably at setting boundaries. Instead of balancing work and life, work has consumed me. I take on more responsibilities. I stay until 6 or later most nights, then drive an hour home. I fall asleep by 9:30, get up at 4:30, go to the gym and repeat this insane cycle. Despite getting paid for certain extra activities, it is too much. What's the point of extra money if I am miserable. The year started off well enough, but as things were added to my plate, everything started spiraling away from me. The main focus - the kids, the learning - is lost in the muddle of the administration needs, the meetings, the extra after-school teachings, the extra events, the trying to support another teacher who was not right for the job and is not picking things up quickly enough to take some burden off of me. I made some decisions. First, I will not continue to do the after-school teaching two days a week. I will try with one and then have to fit the other learning into the daily lessons. Or they can find someone else to do it - who also would have to plan for it. Next, I need to shift some of the burden of useless teacher somehow. This may just be a sit down with the person to let them know that certain things need to happen on their part. This may be asking my principal for some help. Finally, I am making some decisions about meeting time. Our meetings area a waste of time at the moment because no one bothers to see what our needs are. A meeting that was supposed to be this month was changed at the last minute to next month. I have a previously scheduled appointment for that date because that is how things work. And well, life will just have to progress without me.

The other realization I had was that I am back to the same place I was last year. The same place I was the year before and the same place a year prior to that. The problem is I either (a) need to learn (with some outside help) how to balance and set boundaries so I can enjoy my work more; or (b) need to realize that this is not the profession (or just perhaps school) for me and its time to move on. So this year my gift to myself is to seek out a life coach or a counselor or a head doctor, if you prefer, and try to figure this out. I keep saying I am going to do this, but I put it off because there is never any time. Right. I never make the time because I am too concerned about letting something go at work. I can't keep waiting for the right moment to be the person that I am when I am on vacation or with my family or exercising or at home with JE on the weekends. I either do something about it or continue to be miserable. And I think I am done being miserable. Its just dumb.

Overload, Adjust, Overload, Adjust

2008-10-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

These past weeks have been repeated moments of feeling completely overwhelmed. Today's little gem came when I was observed. It wasn't actually an observation of my actual teaching, but whether or not my walls were up to par. I was being evaluated as to whether I had the right stuff up. Did I have my sound spelling cards up? Did I have my behavior stuff up? Did I have my high frequency word wall? (For which I have not found the research for fifth grade.) Did I have my key standards posted? Did I have my theme table with realia, books and pictures? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHh! Let's start with my laundry list of things that aren't getting done to help me:

(1) Materials. I have too many materials because I got everything for both grade levels (fourth/fifth.) We are busting at the seams. I have sets of guided readers for fourth grade reading, fourth grade science, fourth grade social studies, fifth grade reading, science and social studies. I have math books in Spanish, which are not being used because of some adoption issues. I have two sets of teacher's editions in math for 4th and 5th, but none in English. They come in these giant cumbersome carts as well. I have these large plastic drawers that are cumbersome - in both English and Spanish, for each grade level - that contain "Workshop" materials. I have six large plastic bins with Science materials for experiments. Its like an explosion and every so often I stuff things in cabinets.

(2) Materials. A severe lack of the needed. We agreed that we would use literature (gasp, actual novels) for our Spanish language arts, but after several attempts to get them ordered, still NOTHING. I don't have, as aforementioned, the teacher's editions for math in ENGLISH. I need bookshelves to store the billions of materials.

(3) Things that I was supposed to have received last year for my walls that were never given to me. I just refuse to create more stuff when I already have so much to do.

I am learning three new curricula because of new adoptions, not to mention a new grade level for science and social studies.

In addition to the fact that I am at school from 7:30 to 6:00 every day, we have events this week and next and then parent conferences. Its such a joke. I thought I would do this after school science class two days a week, and then Saturday school to prepare for the state tests, but honestly, I'm feeling done and its only October. Great.

Advice

2008-10-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

I received this in one of those annoying fowards today, but I thought it pretty funny:

YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

Pretty much. The weeks have now evolved into months and I have been busy. I'm liking my new routine and enjoying my new house. BT and hubby came for a visit this weekend and it was so nice to have a place where you felt you could welcome people and entertain. Our old place was like a cave and cramped. The high ceilings and improved layout make it feel so spacious and airy.

Overall, things are going well. I feel better, I'm not nearly as tired (despite getting up at 4:40 to go to the gym,) and generally things are just much rosier. I'm also working hard to change my attitude. I felt angry, stressed out, and overwhelmed three months ago, but I guess I am finally setting limits and establishing what's important. It's been tough because often we get those messages about how we need to be present at more functions. I understand the reasoning behind this, but it also presents a great challenge to me and so other people will just have to pick up the slack. I don't have the option of going home for a few hours after work, eating dinner and doing some chores and then going to a meeting. If there is a meeting, I stay at school until 6 or 7 and then go. It makes for an extremely long day. I'm just not willing to do that more than once or twice a month. I stayed for everything last year and I was too worn out. I understand that it is my choice, but its also a choice to stay for countless meetings and one I have to make respectfully for my own well-being. It seems to work out better.

I also have a daily reminder in the form of Little Miss Negative (LMN.) It reminds me that no one likes a whiner and that I need to be positive and try to find solutions to problems, instead of excuses as to why I can't do my job. I don't think I was ever quite so bad while at work. However, my friends, family and select colleagues certainly heard enough and thought I should quit because of how miserable I was last year. I can understand this other teacher's frustration, but she is a daily reminder of a personality trait I don't like in myself and work to adjust. Therefore, she is annoying and beginning to get on my nerves. We attended a really great training (OMG, yes, I did say that, for only the second time in my teaching career) this past Saturday. It was absolutely the kind of work I am interested in and something I can see myself teaching and guiding other teachers to do in another capacity. It finally put a system to all of the issues that I have been trying to figure out as they swim around helter-skelter in my mind. I really felt empowered and I can't wait to start using it. The entire time, LMN would preface everything with, "Yes, but..." or "Yes, well..." Every solution that the group suggested. It was exhausting. I believe deep in my heart that while I am that person, I am not THAT person. I like solving problems and in a professional environment, I try to behave professionally. My negativity is more with the people I love. I realize its not fair to them, and so I am trying not to be so negative. Thankfully, I have this daily reminder (if I don't punch her in the face or say "Enough Already!" before I can be introspective,) and that will make me a better person.

Walk the walk, talk the talk

2008-09-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

I was sent this article analyzing some of the statements of each candidate.

I haven't spent enough time evaluating each candidate. Of course my single issue is education. I don't agree with vouchers. This attempt to apply a one size fits all to the problems in education does not work. If they were to support creating more alternative programs (like my school) so the parents had more choice, and provide the resources to support those schools - professional development, a meaningful observation/evaluation cycle, built-in time for meaningful collaboration and planning, after/before school programs, etc. - I might feel differently. As it were, I don't feel vouchers tackles the real issue. I think that parents should have a choice, but I am not sure vouchers would be the answer. As my school is a dual language school, I am very wary of speak of English only and what that could mean for thousands of successful schools nationwide that have chosen dual language. I am skeptical, however, that it would even affect me/our school at all. Unless the fed forced the state to deny funding to all "alternative" programs, as long as we are showing progress it doesn't seem to be a big deal.

The crazy thing about education is that we all seem to have different ideas of what is needed to solve the problem. And that's just it, the same thing doesn't work for everyone. We spend a lot of time saying "I'm right" "No, I'm right." We don't track and evaluate meaningful data before going on to the "next big thing." I remember at my previous school every year it was a new focus and often we threw out the old. It was so hard to come up with something that everyone could agree on and stick to for any amount of time. I really don't have the solution.

Health care is not usually a major voting issue. 1) I have it. 2) I don't have a family. 3) I am pretty healthy. I imagine all of that would change when I start having to pay hundreds or thousands out of pocket each month. So, it should be important. I just haven't evaluated which plan works best for me.

I detest that we vote based on the "emotional" issues, such as gun control and abortion. So those are assuredly not my issues.

As far as taxes go, you would think that this former economics major would figure this out, but alas, I'm not around it anymore and so I lack the depth to form meaningful opinions of what this going up and that going down, and this going every which way mean. Plus, I'm tired today.

The whole war thing, ah, yes. That's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't issues. There is certainly a better use of our tax dollars. We certainly have no business dragging it on year after year. So, I agree with the plan to set a time limit. It seems that that plan also needs to accompany some pretty aggressive strategies for how to deal with future foreign relations and a major issue of "there's not enough to go around." The whole resource issue. However, I am also of the opinion that water - something few people seem to be talking about - is going to be a major issue long before we run out of oil or overheat the planet. Not that the latter don't deserve our attention.

Then there is the whole jobs thing. This is another single issue I would probably vote on. I would tend to agree with Thomas Friedman. It will be more difficult to survive in an increasingly more globalized world. We are not competitive on a global level in areas that lead straight back to education. There is no plan in place and there probably should be. Enticing corporations to come back (oh, evil) is probably a good thing. But we need to improve the training of that work force, as well. Otherwise, what prevents those corporations to hire globally? I also buy into that do for your community thing. As the African proverb says, "It takes a village to raise a child." If our village enterprise picks up and leave, that's a problem. It is definitely in the interest of the company to invest in the future workforce, but why should they if taxes make it easier to run their business elsewhere. But all that assumes that they would "give back."

Okay my head is spinning, I have lost all logic and I bet I'll read this post again tomorrow and delete it. Until then, enjoy the dizzying logic of one very uninformed voter.

Ramble on...

2008-09-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Not really anything to say, felt like posting some random picture. This was in China.

Set some limits today. Things are looking a little more up. Poor JE is terribly sick with food poisoning. I feel terrible. I'm really bad with sick people. I should probably never have kids.

Acceptance

2008-09-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

I got nailed with a horrible sore throat Friday. I spent yesterday resting and today I feel considerably better. I know what this means. I tend to get sick when my stress levels are rising. My body has always been very good about indicating when I need to slow down. Or at least accept things as they are and move on. It radiates pain in my shoulder and neck. I get sick with allergies or colds. Right now, my eye is twitching. Minor annoying stuff, stuff that again and again or all at once is a drag.

I had a realization. I have a lot of work to do this year. That much I have accepted. What I hadn't accepted was that it is not my responsibility to support a teacher who does not have the skills required to do this job. I had reservations when HM interviewed. I felt that his appearance and demeanor was sloppy and lazy. I did not get the impression of a knowledgeable, put together individual. I was told it was an "informal interview" so his appearance didn't matter so much. Bull. So you wear jeans and a button down to an informal interview, fine, but don't slouch, don't be lazy in your answer - sound like you know what you are doing. I was hoping my first impression was dead wrong.

A week and a half into school HM has demonstrated that they know very little about doing their job. Basic stuff is lacking. The classroom is a dump. The students papers and trash is left on the floor at the end of the day. Materials are not well organized and the class looks cluttered and askew. That same sloppy appearance I saw in that "informal interview" has translated into a messy classroom and a helter-skelter approach to teaching. Give the person a chance. Of course, I consistently adjust my expectations, and adjust the way I deal with and assist this person. But now I have to accept. I have to accept that this person lacks skills that I am not able to provide. I have enough to do on my own.

As Bryan Kest says "Accept the final posture." Yeah, this acceptance thing is hard.

Ups and Downs

2008-09-04T20:50:00.000-07:00

The good news: My students improved 20 points in Language Arts on the state test.

The bad news: They went down considerably in math. Yikes.

Well, considering that the math program was pretty terrible, the material was incomplete in Spanish, and it wasn't my focus (nor my strength,) I guess the results were pretty predictable. If they had gone down in Language Arts I would have been really bummed because we worked so hard.

I only had one student in "far below basic" (don't you just love that designation,) and he was my particularly challenging student. The students I had in my intervention group all improved. One little girl stayed about the same, but her parents were going through a particularly nasty divorce at the time and she was so obviously emotionally wrecked when we took the tests.

Overall, our school score decreased, so that was really a huge bummer. As a dual language school it makes it hard to fight off the naysayers when we lose ground. It was almost entirely in math, which is both disheartening and encouraging. Disheartening because that's where we've always been high, but encouraging because its also where we've lacked focus. We focus on language, dual language. The fact that the now fifth graders gained so much in language arts is significant. I should hope those results continue so that we can show that our model works.

It will most definitely mean that we will focus on math, and that is actually a very encouraging thing. I am weak in teaching mathematics. It often takes the back burner. Its not okay. Each year I tell myself I will put more energy into my teaching of mathematics, but each year I am so overwhelmed and told to focus on language. So, in fact, this is a blessing in disguise.

Up, up, up we go!

Misc. Ramblings

2008-09-01T16:00:00.000-07:00

My response to a beginning of the year letter from a student:
...It’s too bad you don’t like your new cousins. I had some cousins that I didn’t like when I was little, so I would play with the ones I did like. One of my cousins was really mean. He was also very big and used to threaten me. His grandfather used to grab his ear when my cousin was in trouble. My cousin would only listen to his grandfather. He never listened to anyone else, not even his mom. He’s an adult now and is in jail. It is very sad. His grandfather would be heartbroken if he were still alive. I guess he never learned how to be nice..."

Yeah, I couldn't help myself.

Part of an annoying forward I got:
...(1) God wants spiritual fruits, not religious nuts...

How a certain member of my family deals with the latter:
...Glad to hear your doing well. Could you be so kind as to take me off your list? I have issues with some of your comments. To imply that praying will get you what you want/need and that's all there is to it is offensive. There are some really destitute people out there who I'm sure believe in god and pray and hope just as much as you, and their prayers don't get answered. Assuming god did answer your prayers to supply you with more money to continue your permanent vacation, I have to conclude that he's an ass. He could be spending his time in much more productive ways, like protecting poor Muslim villagers in Dar fur from the Christian militias that have been burning their villages and raping their women. Next time you talk to him, tell him to get his priorities straight...

What I hope to accomplish this year:
Balance.

How I will accomplish it:
Fail and fail beautifully. Because success is not an option.

2 down, 178 to go

2008-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Usually the first day is exciting, patient, frantic, quiet and gone in a blink. It was all of those things, in a way, but it was also completely easy. Having the same students makes a world of difference. Its like picking up where I left off some odd weeks ago. I had a spastic moment today when the challenge of juggling the two math curriculum became very apparent. My new partner seems completely haggard. I haven't quite figured out if this is his general appearance or if he really is. I don't want to step in too much, but I had to today when some students took advantage of him, lied to me, and then refused to do what I had asked. I made it abundantly clear that this sort of thing would not fly. I guess you could consider me strict. I demand a lot. I try to maintain a respectful firmness. I'm far from the best and far from perfect. I do a lot of good stuff, but I tend to loose it a lot too. Last year there was that one student. I didn't write much during the year because he pretty much took up all my time. This year I aim to set limits, both for myself, with my colleagues, and within the classroom. Some things I just need to let go of. I don't always let go because I get emotional and I am passionate. This year is an effort toward that goal.

I wasn't sure before, but I am sort of excited for our move. I am looking forward to using a washer and dryer whenever I want and not having to worry about having enough quarters. I am looking forward to having a patio with great big windows that let in lots of light. It will be an interesting change. I like routine. I ran once this week and already I can feel that itch. Today's frustrations are very much related to the no exercise. I like being back on a better diet, although at the moment I have a twelve minute lunch. We have a new (old) system at school where the children punch a number into a machine that has probably been around since the 60s or 70s and we are the very last group to go through the cafeteria. It took 25 minutes to get all my students through the cafeteria line. What a nightmare! I may as well bring my lunch to the cafeteria and eat with the students. There's no time to do anything else. By the time I heated and inhaled my food, and then went to the bathroom, it was time to go get my students from recess. I think next week I will just bring portable food, like yogurt, nuts and fruit and eat it while I wait with the students. You would think we would get some fancy new machine that takes only a few seconds. This takes about one minute per student. This should be interesting.

Books, books, books

2008-08-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

The end of my summer also means an end to summer reading. Some books I enjoyed this summer:

1. The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak
2. Japanland: A Year in Search of Wa, by Karin Muller
3. The Teahouse Fire, by Ellis Avery
4. Skinny Dip, by Carl Hiaasen
5. a bunch of trashy novels that weren't worth remembering, but fun to read!

Books on my list to read:

1. Isla de los delfines azules, by Scott O'Dell (school title)
2. Cajas de carton (The Circuit) by Francisco Jimenez (school title)
3. Mudbound, by Hillary Jordan
4. What Happened to Anna K., by Irina Reyn
5. Delirium, by Laura Restrepo
6. Petite Anglaise, by Catherine Sanderson

Any reviews offered are always appreciated.

Red 'uns and wee red 'uns

2008-08-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

Finally. Tomaters turning red. I was lamenting to mom that they were still green and there wasn't enough heat to get them to turn. I climbed out of the car to check the plants upon arrival and sure enough they were red. So exciting! They still have a ways to go, but so promising. Might actually not have to buy tomatoes at the farmer's market next week.

GUeewww

2008-08-21T23:07:00.001-07:00

I got hungry on the way home today, really hungry, and I had an extra GU in my car, so I thought maybe that would tie me until dinner time. Gross, gross, gross. Let's be clear here, when you run long distances and sweat to all hell, GU tastes scrumptious, or maybe passable because you've sweat your body weight in water. It does NOT, I repeat NOT, make a good snack. It has about 55mg of sodium and man can you taste it. Bleh! The breathe it left me with was also less than ideal.

In other news, I try to remain optimistic about this new year - okay, so maybe I haven't been giving it my all - but at least I try to remain optimistic about M. He's new to teaching, new to life away from home, new to the working world. Sweet! Today I decided my efforts would be most rewarded if I just told him what we were doing because up to this point, he seemed to lack focus. So I would yammer away, "This is what I do...blah, blah, what to you think? Oh good, this is how I do it, blah, blah, blah." I suppose it was sort of non-collaborative of me. JE says I'm probably going to be doing a lot of hand-holding. Maybe it'll get better.

I also had to give up quite a bit of my stuff with the move. I had thought I would have my tables, bookshelves, computers, desks, etc. and was pretty much told I would have to leave all that. There is some word that I might get new computers. I figure if I don't within the first two weeks, I'll go in and take mine back. The bookshelves were annoying especially since the other teacher that moved in sort of moved her stuff onto them and then feigned ignorance that I had told her I would be moving them. New to our school and already pissing people off. Didn't thank the custodians for finding her some stuff and we all know that you treat them like gold because when you need it, they turn a blind eye and find you the good stuff. (No I don't mean that kind of stuff.) New desks showed up and I graciously passed them onto M saying that I would take the old ones. That proved to be a pretty self-serving move on my part, although I didn't know it at the moment. The desks that arrived are cumbersome single chair-desk units that belong in a high school. I pretty much would have flipped if they showed up in my classroom as they are not at all conducive to my teaching style. I like cooperative groups, I keep students moving around and change up groups quite a lot and I need movable chairs for the purpose of my student meetings. Totally ridiculous stuff that is not remotely important, but actually sort of screws with routine. And while I like change, I also like routine. You mess up my routine too much and I am not very effective. Its sort of like when I don't make time to exercise and several days pass. I become cranky and out of sorts. Being without what I am used to as a teacher also makes me cranky and out of sorts. So, I am not doing a very good job of going with the flow, but I only recently resolved this, so it will have to get better. For everyone's sake.

Movin' on up

2008-08-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

As if I need to add one more thing to the craziness that usually comes with the beginning of the year, it looks like we are moving. I was very apprehensive at this prospect, because eventually the homeowner will move into the unit in order to remodel the existing main house. Everything is brand new, which is sort of exciting and a little scary. I tend to be pretty low on the wear, but JE tends to be a little rougher. We are moving back to the neighborhood I previously lived in and back to the place where we met. Ohhhhh, isn't that sweet.

Things I will not miss: the bums that walk by our windows, the mold that grows in giant patches after the rain because the outside corner of the building is exposed, the ugly patches from water leakage from the broken pipes and upstairs unit, water backed up in the sink because the pipes are just old, old, old, and the number one thing I won't miss is being on the ground floor. Dark and not very earthquake safe - squish.

Things I will miss: Being close to downtown, my run route to the lighthouse along the cliffs, and my upstairs golf buddy.

The thing about the things I will miss is that they still kind of go with us. Downtown and lighthouse are just further and I just have to make more of an effort for golf or time with my old neighbor.

Its the BCS all over again...

2008-08-18T23:31:00.001-07:00

A tie is a tie. Give 'em both the gold. Screw the stupid tiebreaker rules. They tied. Twice now those girls were robbed. Or at least have a run-off routine. Robbed. Robbed. Robbed. I guess if it were the reverse I wouldn't feel that we were less deserving. Oh well. They still both should have got the gold. Thems the breaks.

And if I were the US pole vaulter, I would fire my coach. What an arsehole! She won a silver freakin' medal and he berates her in front of an entire nation of viewers. How about "Congratulations, we got the silver against a very tough competitor, not bad for someone who's only been vaulting for four years. Beautifully done." Seriously dude, anger management, abuse control, something. In the words of the Donald..."You're fired!" (Please don't sue me for trademark infringement!)

Olympics Recap

2008-08-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

After seeing Phelps do that scream and muscle flex of his with that over-protruding chin eight times, JE got up to do several repeats of the pose that had me in stitches. Phelps is a wonder, but man, could someone reset his jaw please. I know, I know, petty, but how else am I supposed to feel good about my own accomplishments. The man made history.

Watching the women's clean and jerk, the gold medalist does 409 pounds to which I say, "Holy, freakin' cow!" And JE says, "You said it." Yup, god bless the woman who can hurl a refrigerator over her head.

Women's beach volleyball. The only thing that allowed me to watch the majority of the Olympics because JE would get so excited. Uh-huh, she wore an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny red, blue and white bikini.

Women's softball. PAINFUL! The poor Chinese pitcher pitched the equivalence of half the average number of pitches in a normal men's baseball game in ONE INNING against the US women. Apparently, there will be no softball in 2012 due to lack of international competition.

Robbed, robbed, robbed. Apparently, if you fall on your arse doing a more difficult vault, you get a better score than if you practically nailed two consecutive vaults. Alicia Sacramonte was ROBBED! Even Bela Karoly said it, even if he is biased.

Men's floor routines. I so wanted the Brazilian to win. He was just so cute and he was Brazil's shining glory for gymnastics. His routine was awesome until that final pass. The look on his face when he hit the mat was so sad. Stunned.

Run, Forest, run. "Gun, off the blocks, so fast I am running... that I think I will slow... down... now... because I won. Sweet, record time!" -Usian Bolt. Are you kidding me? Next time give us 100% you lazy, lazy man.

Men's 10,000m. 25 laps around a track. They were like a train - legs synchronized like the side rods that propel the train's wheels. And then the Ethiopian takes the lead and takes it home.

Give me MORE!

As Violent Femmes sang it...

2008-08-16T19:27:00.001-07:00

Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.

I received a press release from my school district today that touted the biggest bunch of bull crap. The increase in test scores was pretty much solely attributed to the efforts of our Superintendent and her "efforts" to establish various alternative school programs within our district. In the first place, she did jack and in the second place, she never was a part of establishing these alternative school programs. Fabricated lies. Its amazing. At the very end after it mentioned the trustees, other district leaders, it mentioned the efforts of the front line - the freakin' teachers, hello?!??

What a load of crap! If it wasn't for the teachers, parents (not to mention students) and administration at our school, our school wouldn't exist. She wasn't even Superintendent when it was approved and this year she outright attacked us and we spent the second half of the year fighting for our school. Its part of the reason that I have a combo class next year. So, as far as I am concerned, tout all you want, but I'm going to call a big, fat, bulls@*t!

Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, lies.

What the!?!

2008-08-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

(As an aside, I'm feelin' ya Wintermute, I go online, see who won and go to bed, its just too late, sometimes, even if I don't have to go to work the next day.)

But I missed something, since when did Trampoline become an Olympic event. Isn't that like assisted gymnastics? It strikes me as odd, isn't that sort of like a gimme medal? How big could the world trampoline field be? What's next, Cheerleading? I mean, I don't doubt the athleticism of some of those young women, flying up into the air and what not, but its not something I feel is Olympic worthy. Then again, what do I know?

JE is less than excited about Olympics. He's more of a Winter Olympics guy - ice hockey. I don't discriminate. The only way I get to watch bits and pieces is if the women's beach volleyball is on. (So there you have it Wintermute, that's the reason they have it on so freakin' much.) Granted, normal people do not really like to watch swimming, most of my colleagues have no clue and could care less. Its hard not to want to watch Michael Phelps, he just makes you scream "Go USA!" Makes ya proud to be an American, especially when they kicked some snooty French booty. Okay, really I am not that person. Personally, the French are so misunderstood. Still its really fun to watch him.

Sports just makes people feel good. Some sports are like organized fighting without the death and destruction. Modern day Spartans, if you will. It just makes you feel good to root for someone or something (if you're into horses) and watch them/it win. It allows more civilized, modern day battles. It transcends anything else that may be going on in life. Sure, I don't agree with some of the issues in China and I see the point of the people who feel we shouldn't support the Olympics because of those issues. However, there are plenty of crummy things we've done. And, if you recall, we didn't boycott the Olympics in Berlin during the reign of Hitler. There was certainly knowledge of what was going on in Germany and consideration to boycott. In the end, we went. Jesse Owens had the opportunity to show the world that white, blue-eyed Germans were not superior, as Hitler had hoped. There is so much hurt and suffering in the world that I don't think we should deny opportunities to feel hope, victory and for a period of days something that does not see race or creed, but strength and ability, and that is what the Olympics are about. Perhaps that is what Hitler made it into, but for the most part, people just want to feel good. Even if you see business and classicism and whatever, you can not deny the tears or smiles or sheer joy on those athletes faces.

As Americans, we love a feel good story, especially when it relates to sports. Personally, I love sports movies. To conclude, I decided to list my top five:
1. Radio - Cuba Gooding is astounding in this movie, even if its not about an athlete. Its about hope, courage, and understanding.
2. Remember the Titans - Left side! Strong side! I know its cheesy Disney, but I could watch that movie again and again.
3. Breaking Away - If you have not seen this movie, rent it, but only if you like cycling.
4. Glory Road - Again, cheeseee, but so good.
5 Chariots of Fire - dah, dah, du, dah, du dah, ba dah du dum. (That's my online version of Vangelis.) Run, Forrest, run!

It gets better:

Drip, drop, drip, drop

2008-08-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to a blaring light in my eyes and Justin saying, "What the heck, there's water everywhere?!?" To which, I rolled over and said, "Turn off the light please and stop all that racket." He proceeded to call the maintenance guy for our building to inform him that we had water dripping from our ceiling in the area by our bathroom, sort of a hallway. By then, I am awake, must get bucket under drip, are clothes in hall closet wet, where is water coming from... It wasn't so much a drip as a steady stream of drips - drip, drip, drip, drip... I was left to listen to the dripping and had since decided that a trip to the gym for a workout and a shower would be in order. I packed up all my stuff for running errands, gym, post-gym and off I traipse. Drop off dry-cleaning, hmm, its dark in here, hmm, woman is writing my dry cleaning ticket by hand, hmm, gym is next door, hmm, the power was out. So much for my gym effort. I learned, however, that if you want a machine that works during a power outage, get an Elyptical Trainer. So that left errands. Get to the grocery store, doesn't open until 9. Its 8:40. This never occurred to me. I am not out and about at such hours doing errands. So I read my book for a bit and then do the grocery shopping. The day proceeded much more smoothly from there. Go to local teacher resource store and buy stuff for class. Go to library to present my work from the summer for a class. Go to cobbler with five pairs of shoes to be repaired.

This was the highlight of my day. My shoes are in pretty bad shape, considering I stand and walk a lot. Some of them are several years old, some of them have just been trashed by the pavement between class and office, class and cafeteria, etc. Two pairs of heels needed new rubber stopper things, a pair of knee-high boots needed to be resoled and buffed, a pair of Simple sandals (my favorite) had an elastic piece that was on its last leg and about to break, a pair of Danskos that also had a similar problem, and one of the pairs of heels that also had elastic band failure would cost me a grand total of $58. I was pretty happy about this because it means my $90 shoe budget is now $58. I had entertained thoughts of getting new shoes, but realized I really needed to do little more than repair some of the old ones that are in good enough shape. Plus, it felt quite wasteful to get new shoes and throw away old ones. The cobbler laughed at my hack job with one of the pairs of shoes - I had actually sewed the leather to the buckle to bypass the elastic band. He thought that was pretty funny and invited me to work there.

Back to the gym, this time the lights were on and everything was functional.

My ceiling has a giant hole in it at the moment and a fan is blowing really stinking air throughout the apartment. I think I will spend the rest of my afternoon at a coffee shop reading and doing some school work. I'm just glad the ceiling decided to collapse from the water leakage while I was on vacation and not for me to find after coming home from work. That would have stunk.

In other news, the garden is very exciting at the moment. I thought the beans would never sprout and yesterday there were little sprouts. We also have the teeny beginnings of a cucumber, also cool. Check out the photos:

Beanies

Cucs

Cha Cha Cha

2008-08-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Because he needs to listen. Boys and their one track minds.

On the third day she ran again

2008-08-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

Or at least hobbled. It was like my brain and muscles didn't want to play with each other anymore. The first part was sort of strange, like everything knew what it was supposed to be doing, but wasn't sure in what order. Then, the body sort of caught up with the brain and we chugged along. On the return leg, the the body forgot again.

The insane thing is there's this tiny nagging part of me that says, "C'mon, do it again, that wasn't so tough." And the crazier part is, it wasn't. Well, of course it was, but I had decided, for some reason, that a marathon would be so much harder than anything else I have done - running or otherwise. It is hard, but it wasn't completely beyond my capabilities, as I had been telling myself. Before, only crazy people, like BT and Arvay, ran such ridiculous distances.

When I used to swim, I always enjoyed practice more than anything. Swim meets were fun, but it was a lot of sitting around and I never felt that same sense of accomplishment as I did busting out a set of hundreds on some insane interval. Running is the opposite. The races are when you feel the most accomplished. It may be because, this time, I am only racing myself and my clock. During the swimming days, there was always someone else to try and beat. I started really running (or rather jogging) in college, when I started doing the swim-bike-run thing. Eventually it morphed into my exercise of choice. I still love the way I feel in the water, but swimming laps is tedious. I love being on my bike, but going for long bike rides is sort of uncomfortable and I will never invest in really good bike. So running it is, until it isn't for some injury or another, but I like that it has become my sport of choice. It works.

26.2

2008-08-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

Finished. I feel surprisingly good today. Should I feel this good? Does this mean I could've gone faster? See, now here's the problem. I told BT, yeah, maybe someday I'll do this marathon thing. I like half marathons. It doesn't require quite so much discipline or time commitment. Then I just decided it was time. I selected the SF marathon as my goal. Training in the summer is a more reasonable feat for me because the school year gets so hectic. I was lucky enough to have a willing training partner. The problem is now that I have done it, I feel great. Its a pretty respectable accomplishment. Now, I keep wondering, could I have gone faster? I can move respectably today and have no pain that is telling me I performed past my fitness level. Its probably like giving birth, otherwise people wouldn't do either more than once. Does it mean I'll do another? Well, that has yet to be determined.

BT's constant support and encouragement (and, no doubt, running more slowly for me) were great. Not only during the race, but also during the training runs. She was always impressed with us, even when I felt less than impressed with me.

The nagging neck and shoulder pain from previous chronic pain issues that stayed from mile 9 on were not so wonderful. They remain part of the reason for my thinking, could I go faster? (Do I really want to given how great I feel today?!?) I moved my classroom last week, which flared the neck and shoulder pain. Not such a great idea. If there is a next time, it will not involve any heavy lifting and will involve some pre-race massage sessions.

My parents showed up. How cool is that?!? In typical E family fashion, they met us at the end of the bridge, mile 8, then in the park, mile 13, then on the return through the park, mile 17 and finally at the finish. Now that is support!

My feet hurt quite a bit. Is that normal? They are in reasonable shape today, but yesterday was rough gimping around.

Thoughts of different people got me through the tough miles. I channeled mom, dad, brother, JE, other friends pushing me with their words and silly sayings.

BT's hubby and JE met us at the finish line. What good boys! We got hugs and kisses for being such champion ladies.

Then we cleaned up and went to a place called Osha in Embarcadero for yummy Thai food. I'm not sure how else I would spend a Sunday - exercise, accomplishment, friends, family, good food, laughter and a fairly good night of sleep. Not bad, not bad indeed.

...

When do we start training again?

Behold the Green Tomato

2008-07-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

JE calls it the green tomato, in addition to refusing to drive the car. Its sort of funny to drive down the street and watch onlooking youths slug each other when I pass. I once came out of a wedding reception and several very drunk girls were perched on the back in various poses taking pictures. [Come on ladies, its not like its a Porsche.] I flicked my key and the car beeped and lights flashed, to which they burst into embarrassed giggles. Yesterday I loaded groceries into the back, got in, started the car and looked up at a very startled boy about to touch the hood. It had apparently been designated the end point for a game he and his brother were playing while waiting for mom. He looked quite shocked when he saw me in the car. Whoops.

I find myself being very lazy these past few days. All I want to do is sit in my house and read or putter around cleaning and doing random chores. I think I am getting sort of bored. I suppose if this was my retirement, I would find lots of stuff to do, but since its only temporary I just sort of do whatever suits. Sleeping, a lot. Reading, a lot. In fact, I think my day will consist of a trip to the library, shopping at the farmer's market and golf. Its ladies night on the golf course, so B and I will play six holes. I haven't even hit a ball for weeks. Regardless, I'm pretty terrible so it doesn't much matter until I commit to doing more to get better. Its not in the budget or on my daily list of to dos. I think I better go early and hit the range.

Before and After

2008-07-15T11:35:00.001-07:00

Garden First Planted

Garden After Month Plus

"Patio" with Bbq

24.7, Sushi, Farmer's Market, and Patio - Oh My!

2008-07-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

The biggest mileage of my training is done. I'm confused as to how it will be better at the marathon when almost 25 was killer. I felt surprisingly okay at the end. There was a struggle about half way when my knee really hurt and my brain kept telling my body that this was quite far enough, thank you. I shared those thoughts with BT, after working through them and coming to the conclusion that it was okay because BT has already done this before, to which she told me that actually it was the furthest training run she had done in her now fourth run of it. (No pun intended.) I guess that made me feel better. We joined BT and spouse for dinner at a lovely sushi joint.

The next morning a trip to the farmer's market successfully killed my lack of enthusiasm for cooking. So once again inspired by wonderful fruits and vegetables (and some yummy chipotle cheddar cheese) I have regained my need for fresh, healthy food. Not to mention the scale is telling me I better get to it. Despite the training, my ability to lose the extra pounds that are causing my annoying knee pain seems to be a challenge. A visit to the gym and a scale last week told me there's no more pigging out. In an effort to eat light, I thought I would substitute carcinogens for that other stuff. So off JE and I went to the Depot to investigate the cost of pavers and a barbecue. We've complained for a year now that we really would like to have a barbecue, especially since last summer that's all we did. Alas our humble abode does not provide a place for outdoor activity. So we decided to add to the planter box area by creating a 5x4 "patio" of paver stones, then completing it with a Weber charcoal grill. Said area was christened promptly thereafter with delicious lamb burgers in pita and a cucumber raspberry salad. Tonight's meal consists of grilled squash, feta, and quinoa salad (a variation on this:Quinoa and Grilled Zuchinni) and some fresh salmon from the Japanese Market, all washed down with this wonderfully nutty Japanese barley tea. Now that's how one should spend their summer off.

Cucumber, Raspberry and Pine Nut Salad
One English cucumber
1/4 C mint (optional)
1 basket raspberries
1/3 to 1/2 C toasted pine nuts (I cover the bottom of a small frying pan)
Olive oil
Raspberry or balsamic vinegar
Salt and Pepper

Chop cucumber into 1/4 inch size pieces (about,) then toss in basket of rinsed and drained raspberries and toasted pine nuts (cooled.) Chop and add in mint, salt and pepper (to your liking) Mix ingredients. Drizzle with olive oil and vinegar of choice. Serve. Be happy!

I have made variations of this, mostly experimenting with the dressing and spices, but the three basic ingredients remain the same.

Life in the Smoke

2008-07-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, California is burning. I went on a week break and without wanting probably inhaled the equivalent, without the filter, of a couple packs of cigarettes from the forest fire smoke. Bleh. Its sort of getting in the way of my marathon training. Yesterday's 20 miler was tough. I sucked wind like never before. I have experienced achy, tight legs, soreness elsewhere, but short of breath is a new one for me. I feel for people with asthma (although I was told I have lower than normal lung function myself.) This week I am resolved, trying to embrace the choice I have made in terms of work. Today, I hung out with my plants, did laundry, some shopping, groceries, all the mundane tasks that keep everything else running smoothly. It was a nice day. Oh, the picture is the smoke/fog where I live. So, I went from and air quality index of about 180 to about 111. Burn, baby, burn.

Reasonable

2008-06-26T16:32:00.000-07:00

I am wondering at what point things are unreasonable. It is certain I will have to teach the 4/5 combo in a dual language school. For those not in the know, that means I will be teaching 10 different subjects. Fifth grade English Language Arts, then fourth. Fifth grade Spanish Language Arts, then fourth. Fifth grade science, then fourth. Fifth grade math, then fourth. Even high school teachers don't have to plan for that many subjects. Its not like working a job where you get a project and you put in crazy hours for a few weeks, maybe a month or two. Its non-stop for 180 days. Sure, I get holidays, right. Yeah, as if. I'm not a lawyer, I don't make 6-figures. I get summers off, you say. Fine, that's the perk. There are no bonuses, no promotions, no commissions, raises every year if you happen to be at the right point on the scale.

So, what's reasonable? I obviously don't love it enough, you say, or I would be dedicated to a fault to those kids. Is that the measure of a good teacher? In order to be that, I give up all else? I'm just spoiled, right? I've been able to have leisure time apart from my job. But here's the thing, I'm not getting paid more money to do more work. Its just expected. Is that reasonable? Is it reasonable to think I should just suck it up and do it because there are no other options? The amount of support I got this year does not lead me to believe that I am going to get the support I need to do such a challenging job. Ooo, an aide, perhaps. If I'm lucky I have to spend extra time preparing resources for them to do their job. Not helpful. A resource teacher part time. If I am lucky that they know more than me, they tend to be mired with data entry and mandating people to put up their walls in accordance with Reading First grant bullshit. Also completely useless. So negative, you say, well, its my blog, so you can quit reading anytime. This is so utterly frustrating. So quit. Yeah. The question is how. I'd be breaking contract (I think) and that does not put me in good standing with staying in education, which is still what I would ideally like. Take a year off, figure stuff out, substitute teach, work nights somewhere. Also a possibility.

Its the commute, you say. Well, yes. And no. At this moment I could give up my relationship, move closer to school and probably be just as miserable. My one saving grace all year was that I would spend my weekends in a quiet lovely place with someone I deeply care about. He could move too, yes.

Reasonable? Heh. I want to teach fourth grade for one more year (not combo,) study for my GRE, and go back to school either full or part time. This was not in the plans. This was not something I agreed to. This is not reasonable - kids, parents or teacher. This is just bulls$%# and they will never find a teacher willing to take on this job, so I guess that means I should quit. Sure, teachers do combos all the time, even I have done one previously (it sucked,) but its about the worst decision a school or district can make. It would NEVER happen like this in a school district with a lot of money. Parents would have a conniption.

Undecided

2008-06-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

My strongest inclination has been to quit, find another job closer to home and stop the insanity of commuting. It isn't easy for me to have worked so hard to just walk away from it all and that is what I struggle with at present. And I keep eating more ice cream. Ice cream never was much of a comfort food, but that's because it made me miserable. I tried a new flavor of Coconut Bliss this weekend - Mint Galactica. If there was one kind of ice cream I loved as a kid, it was mint. I loved that funny green color of the Dreyer's Mint Chip. I found myself digging out the little pieces of chocolate from the ice cream container so I would get more chocolate per minty bite. Its way too expensive to keep up this new comfort food and not so great for my waistline, but its so yummy. The stress of things at the moment has me turning to naps, ice cream and Stephanie Plum mystery novels. Wow, I may have hit an all time high. Except the pounds that inhibit my running comfortably and the lack of motivation to do enough mileage is going to stink come marathon time. The next four weeks require me to hit it a little harder. I just sort of want to be done with everything and not have to think about it for a few weeks. I need a vacation. I haven't had a vacation since Boston and that wasn't much of a vacation - it was cold. Cold does not equal vacation for me. Extreme heat while sitting by a lake or ocean equals a vacation for me. Backpacking to some place away from others equals a vacation for me. I haven't been anywhere relaxing in a long, long time. I need one. I need to go somewhere, run, hike, eat ice cream, do crossword puzzles, drink ice cold somethings, and read trashy books. Now that's a vacation. One more week of the bull, one more week to decide what to do and make a plan. Really the plan needed to be made long ago, but I lack the motivation to do it. I can't figure out why. Usually, I make a decision and then feel this glorious weight lifted. I'm still in limbo land, so that's probably the issue. I guess because there's still hope that something else might come of all the bull @#$%, I can't let go and decide. I can't make a choice because I feel like it makes the whole last year worthless. What will it take?

Guilt + Frustration = Meltdown

2008-06-18T16:48:00.001-07:00

I wish I were a calmer, happier person. Maybe if I were named for a flower or a season I might be a calmer, happier person. Seems to work for a friend. No. I'm named after a queen who started a war. Well, she didn't actually start it herself so much as cause fighting amongst the men. I figure this has to work into the equation somehow. Today's series of events left me spiraling into fits of rage and crying. I'm so proud. Like I said, I wish I were a calmer, happier person. Much like the person next to me who kept trying with her Pollyanna attitude to remind me of the bright side. I turned her against me. Again, so proud. JE thinks, of course, I need to talk about it because I am letting all my emotion get bottled up. I'm not sure what I would say. "Hey, by the way, you totally backed me into a corner and then started chucking crap at me!" Okay, so maybe not. There were about four people I wanted to punch in the face today and another six I just wanted to disappear. Again, proud. Why not say anything? Perhaps because I am slowly learning that my new "community" functions on a mix of overload, guilt and superiority.

Example one. In discussing ways to improve student behavior, teacher A says "Well, when this I happened I did this, see how wonderful I am, wasn't that so great of me, see how I am calm and deal with every situation perfectly." Punch.

Example two. In discussing how to involve parents more in the classroom, teacher B says, "Well, I do it this way and it works so great, don't you see how easy it can be?" No. Punch.

Example three. When confronted with a different outlook, instead of considering it, teacher C says, "Well, no I don't think its that way at all, see how silly you are, don't you get it?" No. Punch.

The response is repeated, "Well, don't you just see." No, I'm a damn seven year, you have to show me, you have to guide me, you have to make me see. K? Instead of finding a system that works and saying, "Hey, let me try to help you this year work on that so its not so frustrating/overwhelming," you're pretty much left to your own devices. Despite this place professing that they collaborate and work together. Sure, in little ways. But its the teacher way, who am I trying to kid. I go back again, is it for me? This year when a couple of teachers were struggling with the community in their class, I went in on my recess break and showed them how to do community meetings. Now we have added on two additional tasks with no plan for help or time set aside to do these things. Of course that, combined with the fact that I again have to learn a whole new curriculum and split my time between fourth and fifth graders with the same network of support, makes me very unsure. I will once again be guilted into doing things because I am young, childless and must be able to handle it. Oh, I can handle it all right, so much so that I pretty much decided I'm not going to the meeting tomorrow. Gonna fire me? Thought not, its optional see. If I do go I fear I may act like a seven year old and start dealing with my problems in the most unprofessional of ways. And I'm supposed to be the adult teacher. I know, you're so glad your kid isn't in my class...

Anger, frustration, annoyance

2008-06-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

I tried to be okay with it. I tried to be flexible, but let's be honest here, I'm angry. I put in a hard year, did it all on my own, kicked ass and took names. I did it because I wanted to, but I did it because I knew there was a light at the end. I was going to get to have an easier time the next year and be able to fine tune the stuff that worked, rethink the stuff that didn't and focus on the stuff that was missing. Now, I have to do it again. Sure, it'll be easier because I don't have to think about some of the stuff. However, I am frustrated. Perhaps I wanted to loop with my students, but I swore I would quit if I had to teach a combo class again.

I sat in a five hour meeting today getting more and more angry. Feeling disgust and annoyance with my coworkers because they didn't have to deal with this, and they aren't people who tend to step up and ask "How can we help?" (Well, most.) I wanted my situation dealt with right away. I didn't want to figure out discipline policies or rules for the cafeteria or how we behave during our morning opening. I wanted to know what my class was going to look like and how everyone was going to support a very challenging prospect. There was a somewhat heated discussion about the best way to implement certain discipline procedures and I found myself getting annoyed about it and just picking fights on certain points that were totally irrelevant, all because I am angry. I am angry I wasn't confronted, nor the parents, about this at the end of the year that this might be a possibility. I am angry that I not only have to teach a new grade, but the old one to boot and there is no plan in place as to how this will work. Its up to me to figure it out. I am angry that I am still expected to teach a GATE class after school when there are about 7 other teachers who do not have extra activities such as this to take on.

I am frustrated because I want to say "go screw!" and probably would have if I had known that this was a possibility earlier on. Which is, of course, why I wasn't told and so now I am angry because I don't have another option. I haven't lined up another job so that I can say "go screw!" I'm not trying to be a baby about it, but honestly I have been treated in the most unprofessional way. Despite all the crap at my old school, this NEVER would have happened. People teaching combos would know before the end of the year that it was a possibility. Everyone had to take turns doing the tough shit. If you got a bum deal one year, the principal usually tried to make sure it was fair the following year. There was enough support staff to help with such issues - aides, resource teachers, etc. This time I was kept in the dark as long as possible so that I wouldn't pick my highly qualified ass up and move somewhere else.

I know it happens all the time, but I'm still pissed. I guess I'll just have to draw the line better. Just class and intervention. No GATE, no extra activities, no late nights, nada...go screw!

Ice Cream Bliss...

2008-06-16T15:52:00.000-07:00

Every so often, I feel the need to share a particularly wonderful find. This summer's wonderful treat is Luna and Larry's Coconut Bliss ice cream. I have never been a huge ice cream person. I used to love to go to the plaza when I lived in San Miguel de Allende and get ice cream from the horse drawn wagon, but most of the time the milk bothers me. In China, ice cream was oddly flavored, but often milk free and stomach friendly. The best ice cream we had was eggplant with chocolate covering. I never quite figured that one out. I kept asking "chietzuh?" (totally spelled as phonetically as I can figure) and the response was yes. It was purple too. It was a wonderful treat at the end of a long hot day of teaching in an non air conditioned classroom.

Sometimes I buy those tofutti cutie ice cream bars because I feel like a different dessert. They're small and my boyfriend doesn't eat dessert (huh?) so I can't end up overeating. Really they are only kind of good. This new ice cream, however, is divine. Sometimes I like cold ice cream with strawberries or some other summer berry as a dessert. As I said before, I can't really do the milk thing. I tried the Coconut Bliss vanilla. It has a pretty strong coconut taste, but I really like coconut. Then I tried the dark chocolate. YUM! My standard dessert is a square of dark chocolate and some tea. Summer doesn't really elicit feelings of warm tea. But now we have glorious dark chocolate ice cream - plenty creamy and rich, not overly sugary, and free of milk. If you go to their website they claim all sorts of health benefits from coconut, too. Needless to say, I was pretty excited about this find. It will keep me happy during the next few months and undoubtedly help my marathon training.

In other news, today I found out some news about my class next year. I had prepared myself for this possibility. I had gone over in my head all the possible solutions and pretty much came to the conclusion that I would be teaching a 4/5 combo next year. It sort of stinks after such a challenging year being ALL on my own to have to go through that again. I was really looking forward to having someone share the burden. Having the same students is not a big deal. Moving classrooms is not a big deal. Feeling like I am without support again, well, that sort of stunk. But I am getting pretty aggressive about making my needs known and everyone, parents and administration, know that I will do a great job. Many of them even asked if I would be going to 5th grade. Looks like they go their wish.

Let the Games Begin...

2008-06-14T15:24:00.001-07:00

Schools out. I spent my first official day off cleaning house - thrilling. Cleaned for about an hour in the morning, then sat down with my book and coffee and promptly fell back asleep. Got up and finished cleaning. Just sort of felt like sitting around and doing nothing. I read some more and now I need to go for a run/walk and do some yoga. But I'm sort of lagging. It was nice to end a very challenging year with lots of positive comments and a very generous gift from my class. A new digital camera. It came at quite an opportune time. In fact, that very morning I had been thinking about how I would like to get a new camera. My parents got me a very nice camera one year for Christmas. It was in my purse when the purse fell to the floor in an airport bathroom on a trip. It has since been duct taped to keep the battery door from coming open. It tends to get very cranky at me when I try to take pictures and they often come out blurry. It might be a nice one to donate to the school.

Top ten things I am looking forward to this summer:
(1) The Olympics. I love sports. I love the victories, the defeats, hearing the national anthems, all of it. 8/08/08 baby!
(2) Marathon training and getting down to a more ideal running weight.
(3) The lake trip. Fourth of July is always cool spent in the middle of a lake in a boat watching the fireworks directly overhead.
(4) Doing NOTHING. There will be moments when I just sit and read and sit and read and sit and read. Sweet!
(5) Tourists. NOT. They suck, they fill the streets and don't know how to drive. I won't be looking forward to that this summer. But I sure will be glad when they leave.
(6) Working on my own time schedule. You didn't actually think we took the WHOLE summer off, please.
(7) Hanging with boyfriend, friends and family. Its nice to have extra time for that.
(8) Farmer's Market. Its Wednesdays from 2-6, so I can never go. Now I can.
(9) Alone time. A break from 20 bodies needing something, time just for moi.
(10) Sleep. As much as I want, as long as I want, whenever I want. Lots of glorious, glorious sleep.

Be jealous, its okay. I won't try to pretend I'm not rubbing it in because I am. But hey, this is the trade off. Feel free to hop on board. Happy summer!

I'm blog lame...

2008-05-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

Pretty much at the end of my day, I want to do nothing. Exercise, mostly. Eat, yes. Lie in a chair and zone out, pretty much. The school year is winding down. This time of year I feel like a glorified baby sitter. We are all so burnt out. Them. Me. We. We're tired of each other. We don't want to do anymore tests. Seven days of it. I'm tired, they're tired, and its time for a break. I'm taking a "personal day" on Friday because I am a lazy puke who wants a break. Actually, it has been so wonderful feeling like my teeth are going fall out 16 hours out of every day. Stress. I learned how to monitor it and worked so hard to manage it, all gone.

This weekend I worked so hard to relax. I had a wonderful sushi dinner with JE on Friday. I ran on Saturday - 15 miles. (Oh yeah, I decided to join the crazies and try my first full marathon.) It was a cool, calm day and absolutely beautiful. You would be so jealous if you live in one of those cold states... Then we made chicken, broccoli, goat cheese lasagna - a favorite. I got up Sunday, did some yoga, went with my neighbor to hit golf balls at the range (oh, another new hobby so that JE and I have something to do together outdoors.) Then I went and sat in the tub at a local spa place that looks out over a gorgeous bamboo garden and serves jasmine tea. After tub, back to house to prep the roast chicken. Put chicken in on low and then went and played 9 holes with JE. Went to bed about 9:30. It was great. I was so rested on Monday. I don't feel rested any longer.

I needed to change tacks. So I bought supplies to do art tomorrow. I know we're behind in reading. I know we haven't done a sufficient amount of science in a month. I know, I know, I know. I work my tail off, but this time of year I just feel like I am failing, failing, failing. We are studying the printing press as one of our reading selections, so art will relate. It'll be great. Tomorrow is Teacher Appreciation Day, so hug a teacher. Oh and to honor it, Schwarzenegger, will announce budget cuts to education. We have to wear t-shirts with sinking boats that say SOS on them tomorrow. Get it, SOS, save our schools?

Moving Ahead

2008-04-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

Its April and life has final settled into general patterns and some changes at school have resulted in a calmer, more relaxed me. A week of time off in February and another in March probably helped that along. Despite having no funds to actually go anywhere, it was just nice to not be mired to a schedule, not to mention doing the commute. I think I have finally made strides in the "Where do I go from here?" part of my life. I have some really good ideas about where I want to go next in education, which begins with finding a masters program that suits those ideas and going back to school full-time. And I am quite sure that if, after next school year, I did go back to school I would still have a place at my current school. The rival school to my alma matter apparently does have a program that fits, so I asked my parents if they'd disown me for going there (also alum,) to which mom replied that she couldn't because I would probably need them to repay my loans. Its a bit costly at that school.

I think I have also decided to bite the bullet and do the marathon. Training in the summer is a lot more feasible. So run and study, not a terrible way to spend the summer. Besides, I live in a great place for play.

In other news, I face the possibility of teaching a combo class next year, 4/5. I swore I would quit if that was forced upon me again (in past school,) but I know that I have a lot more control here and at least if its on my terms and I get the support I need, it wouldn't be so bad. Its still pretty intense, but we'll cross that bridge...

Finally, it seems like Spring is a busy time of year, I haven't seen friends in a long time, I feel disconnected. I think its time to reconnect.

Yawn....

2008-02-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

Little to say. I just watched the Oscars, which gets decidedly more boring each year. I'm the kind of person who doesn't see the movies in the theater, in fact I've never seen Million Dollar Baby, nor have I watched the Godfather in its entirety. When it comes to movies, I think I was born in the wrong era. I love old movies. I love the simplicity, the over dramatization, the lack of special effects, and the simply delightful old timiness of it all. I watch movies, new movies too, but I could mostly care less about whether or not I see things in the theater or two years later on my couch.

It was nice to have a week off, but tomorrow its back to work. It allowed me some time to prioritize, chat with friends and boyfriend, and get all those mundane things done. Its sort of silly because I have four weeks until I am off again for a week. At which time I will probably plan for the next four weeks and relieve some of the burden that keeps piling up. I had a good conversation with BT about not making apologies for choosing my life and health over my job, so its time to decide how to restructure and make my health and well-being the priority for a time. I'm just too tired by the end of the day and it doesn't make sense. And by the end of the week, I crash. Part of it is the commute, but part of it is this constant adding on. My school strives to be above the rest by providing more and more for its students, but I have to ask at what point does it become too much for the teacher. And then I have to think that maybe I don't love it enough if I'm not willing to make it my life. And that's when I want to quit. I seem to think that because other people do it, that means I have to also. By not doing said thing, I must be lazy or not care. The guilt sets in. So, BT went to this forum about successful women in her field and the bottom line was that all the women figured out what worked for them, did it, and did not apologize. What can be sacrificed for the remainder of the year, will be. As for next year, one of two things will happen: I will move and keep my job; or I will stay put and find a job closer to home or that has more flexibility in terms of its hours. That's probably a decision to make for my next week off. As for now, the priorities are (1) my health; (2) my relationship; (3) my plan for going back to school for a masters or finding another job; (4) friends and family; and (5) the fourth grade curriculum (and not some of the other stuff that is too much extra busy-work.)

I thought I could do it all, but I am realizing that its impossible. I can't continue to commute or I can't continue to live where I do, so which is more important? Still to be decided.

Stop, start, stop, start....

2008-01-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

I think blogging about my life lately has just seemed tedious. Get up, go to work, work, stress, go to gym to attempt to de-stress, go home to eat with JE, go to bed, rinse, repeat. I suppose a lot has occurred since the beginning of the year, but I haven't had the energy to write, and when I do it comes out sounding tired and repetitive. I am still unsure, overworked, under appreciated, blah, blah... This morning's commute was surreal. I drive up over a 1800 mountain pass. And, well, it snowed. There were snow plows and camera crews for local news stations. Well, it snowed there last year. And the year prior. I remember because BT got married and some thought I would perhaps not make it because the roads shut down. I was in Boston, meeting JE's parents, in December and, well, life doesn't stop quite so easily because of a little snow. Our return flight landed us in the middle of good ol' California La Nina. Of course when its el Nino, its seasonably warm, but La Nina, well she wreaks a whole heap o' havoc. Bitch. We landed in a down pour, power was out everywhere, and roads were flooded. Sweet. The thing about the weather that amuses me the most (no, it isn't the global warming,) its that people freak out. Seriously. Here's a thought - you can not drive your car at 75 mph in the rain. Oh, and if you NEVER fix the hundred year old freeways, well, they just get crappier with each storm. No wonder its like driving through a damn lake (no pun, okay yea, intended.) AND if you build on the 200 year flood plain, yes, Virginia, there is a chance it could flood within the next 200 years, submerging your house under water. WE LIVE IN A DRY STATE - agreed - but that doesn't mean it doesn't rain, EVER. But, tis not the Oregon or Washington coast, so people FREAK out. It is amusing, but then again, I lived in Sacramento when it flooded in 1984, and well one of my friends' homes was one of those houses near the flooded stream. It was NEVER near to what they experience in those weird other states where it actually does flood, like REAL bad. You know, homes floating in rivers and stuff. We are a funny bunch, indeed.

Minutes to Days to Months...

2007-11-10T12:48:00.001-08:00

I expected it, right? The new job, the new relationship, the new (and longer) commute, all of it, I knew it would be a challenge. I guess the unexpected of this challenge was the most difficult student I have ever encountered. The first months of my new job transformed the joy of new students and new staff into something dreadful. I questioned everything. I still am questioning everything. Last night JE and I went to dinner, I said I still didn't know if I wanted to do this job. I thrive on challenge, I thrive creating to meet the needs of my students, but suddenly I found myself wishing the day away. I find myself day in and day out nagging, lecturing, picking up after children who apparently have never been taught to do it themselves. Certainly not by me because we go over it again, and again, and again. I found myself disliking what I had become. Not the teacher focused on teaching her kids to care, to excel, to be motivated to read and explore, but just another teacher going through the motions. At that point you are forced to reevaluate. I guess the bottom line is: Would I be happpy doing anything? We talked and talked about what would make me happy if not this. Do I need to talk to a professional to figure this out? On and on. JE goes to work everyday and enjoys what he does. Not everything, of course. I don't know, I may be trying to figure this out my whole life. Perhaps I'll be a hundred and finally find it. If I'm so lucky.

So minutes of the day dissolve into months and I can hardly believe it is a week and a half to Thanksgiving. Time with family, meeting the new beau's parents in December out on the East Coast. Something very new for this California girl. I don't spend vacations in the snow, I spend them sitting on beaches in Mexico where its warm or lounging around at my parent's house reading and running. I will probably end up needed a vacation from my vacation. I'm a huge homebody so this December trip will be a big challenge for me - first brother's house in the snow, then off to the other side of the country for a whirlwind tour of all the various relatives and friend's houses. No rest for the weary. I'm excited though. JE and I really work together and this is the first time I can honestly say that and not have those nagging feelings of red flags in the back of my head. He's honest, respectful, and even has made reservations for my birthday dinner two months in advance. That's class. I'm sure everyone thought we were crazy for moving in together so soon, but its been six months and I can safely say there aren't any red flags. And after all the lovelies I've managed to find, I have become quite adept at noticing them.

Here's to lots of snowy visits out that way.

Potato Leek Soup and Rosemary Biscuits

2007-10-15T19:58:00.000-07:00

I have the Best-Ever Soups cookbook, purchased one for myself and one for a bridal shower gift for my sister-in-law to be. JE had requested potato leek soup after I suggested pumpkin, so I happily agreed. The recipe was for potato leek and rocket (page 65) soup, but I nixed the arugula. It hit the spot on a rainy fall day - delicious. I made the rosemary scones (page 68) as a side dish, also superb. I suggest going out and getting the cookbook (by Anne Sheasby,) definitely worth the price.

Commuting the Day Away

2007-10-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

I do not post these days. I do not read my friends posts. I have been the neighbor that you occasionally see and wonder, "Hmm, what apartment does that girl live in? I don't think I've seen her before?" My days pretty much start at 0darkhundred and end at roughly the same. Its not really necessary. JE and I had the talk a few weeks ago about my hours. Ironically, then he turns around and works 11 days straight. He's working today, Sunday. Which is sort of good because I can work on planning and not feel guilty that he doesn't get my undivided attention. However, there was the need to do this first. So, I will probably dork around for another hour, do some more online shoe shopping,(Hey, its cold where I am going this winter break and I don't have shoes for it, I'm a CA girl,) then go for the first run of the week. It helps if I have something to train for, I've found. Right now, there is nothing and my schedule is picking up even more, so exercise is becoming a thing of the past - not good, makes me cranky.

On that note, I haven't decided if I like my new job or not. I do love teaching. I enjoy most of the 4th graders. I am NOT enjoying the fact that I sacrifice the quality of my teaching for the quality of my life, as I have not found that happy medium. I have agreed to certain limits. I work a ten hour day and another ten on the weekends and then that's it. I am home to cook and eat dinner with JE. And I am supposed to be present for this time together. Often, I am not. My mind thinks about the expectations, the work unfinished, the problem student who JE is about to put through a window, and all the ways I am falling short. Pretty typical behavior for me. This weekend was a nice break. I cleaned my apartment yesterday, then JE and I went to some fund raising event for local schools. We didn't stay long because there wasn't any liquid of the gods for sale and eventually we wanted some. It was fun and a gorgeous setting. Then we went to Home Depot. He got materials for his new project and I bought garden stuff. We stopped off at the mall, watched various sporting events in the bar at Chili's, then ate while continuing to watch sadly as the Bears fell to OSU.

(Please tell me, WHY DID WE NOT KICK A FIELD GOAL AND GO INTO OT??? Anyone?!?! Just so sad. It was going to be so sweet, if only for a week, to have your team in first place. After years of frustration, losses and not so great teams, it would have just been a moment of loveliness, but alas.)

We came home, chatted and watched the various stops and starts of movies on cable (a new thing to me.) I sort of just block it out, but I would not have the TV on quite so much if it were just me. Quiet conversation or a good book would be just fine. Ah, the compromises.

As for the poo-pooing the commute, yeah it stinks, but its really the long hours more than anything that are taking their toll. It just sort of burns you out.

I also feel frustrated with this expectation of teachers that we must figure out ways for dealing with students who chronically misbehave or have severe emotional issues. We are human beings. I am trained to teach children. I am trained to meet their learning needs. I have 20 students in my class. One of those students is like having 10 extras. His behavior is violent, constantly takes away from other students, and seems to be fueled by parents who do not impose severe consequences at home. It seems that there are too many excuses being made for this child. It seems that he has continually been permitted to behave differently from other students because there is something wrong with him. Well, that just doesn't fly.

On Friday, and this is a repeat offense, he got frustrated, began blurting out his frustrations in the middle of a test, threw himself on the floor for a bit, then when I asked him to make a choice as to whether he would go finish his test next door or in the office so as not to continue to disrupt other students, he began slamming the chair from side to side. I gave him a choice to leave and run a lap, come back, get his test and stay in the office until he finished, but that wasn't to his liking either. He told me he hated me and I was the worst teacher ever. He asked why I didn't understand that there was something wrong with him when everybody else does. That's when I told him that the only thing wrong with him was that he was acting like a two year old and that pretty silly to boot. And in my head, "And you lack a good arse whipping!" Mind you, I have dealt with this behavior everyday since the start of school - sometimes worse, sometimes milder. Everyone has limits.

This idea that we are just supposed to deal with it and that the child's hyperactivity should be permission for his bad behavior is just a load of bull. At my friend's school in Chicago, they have a police officer on campus. Such behavior results in the arrival of personal with the capacity to deal with such an outburst. I have no recourse. This child participates in football. While a necessary and good outlet, I don't think this child deserves to be in football if he can't actually apply the same behavior - discipline, hard work, listening, perseverance - to school. He does not just get to interrupt the class anymore. Punto! Yes, there are children who have severe emotional issues or learning disabilities. This child has ADHD. And a whole lot of people making excuses for why he can not learn. I know hundreds of adults - my peers - who were 'diagnosed' just that way, or who expressed hyperactivity. It doesn't mean they didn't learn how to behave in class and respect their teachers. Their parents would have beat them three ways to the moon if they didn't. I am not saying that is the right answer either, but this expectation that teachers will endure this sort of behavior makes me very wary to continue in this profession. I am not the type of person who can remove herself from the behavior (and believe me, I do a pretty good job at this for the most part,) I feel myself fill up with immense rage when this child behaves this way and I fear the day when I might actually just walk out of the classroom and never come back. There will not be any other recourse, I will reach that point. Which would, of course mean, that I probably will never be employed again. Guess I better learn the construction business.

So, I think and think and think, if this isn't it, what would be the logical next step. JE is immensely supportive and has the typical guy attitude, "its just a job, quit." Which has merit. The consequences are far more long-reaching. I might very well want to stay in some aspect of education, so that prevents me from doing anything too rash, but maybe that means I just start applying to grad school or line up something menial up for the summer. Or it might mean finding ways to teach adults.

Its nice to have someone that shares all of this with you. Its new to me. Living together is new for me also, but working out better than I expected. It is a challenge, but we both maintain a certain degree of reason and humor, so I guess that's what its all about. You do the HOKEY-POKEY!

The front fell off...

2007-09-06T19:51:00.001-07:00

Good for some giggles.

The first days...

2007-09-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

It definitely helps to be a veteran. While perhaps not a veteran of 4th grade, but a veteran to the behavior, establishing class community and all that. It makes all the difference. I am off to a really good start, although obviously insanely busy and insanely overwhelmed. I have so much work to do posting this blog was a decision between letting go and feeling more behind or doing more work. Obviously, I chose wisely, grasshopper. I made a decision long ago to try to commute thing, but it hasn't been easy. Its only been a few days. But, like anything, its about prioritizing, figuring out routines and all. I also feel a little unsettled because we are actually moving, just to another location in the same town. I am extremely excited (yes, of course, because I am moving with JE) but mostly because I get to have a full kitchen, with a dish washer. That's right, a dishwasher. You are so jealous of my new water-consuming device that allows you to stack dishes out of sight because you don't feel like cleaning them at the moment. I haven't had a dishwasher (the machine kind) since I moved from my parents house. Its one of those super luxuries. Can you believe it? Jealous, you are. I will also have a nice space to do yoga in an actual living room. Ohhh! The luxury of it all. It is really close to downtown, so it will make going to farmer's markets, the library and out to dinner really convenient. Its been so long since I went to a public library. Wow. That is another cool thing, its blocks, yards in fact, from my new place. All very exciting. Of course work and the commute as they are, I may never enjoy any of these things, but darn it, I know they're there, if I so choose. The big move this weekend and then adjusting to new arrangements, but I think this a is a good and lasting arrangement. I know that for the first time in my life, I want to really work at it, because, well, it is work, but its fun too.

Getting back to school, I can say I love my new grade level, I enjoy my new coworkers immensely and I feel like I am part of a wonderful place. Sure, its a lot of work, but I just need to remind myself that like the parents of my students, we all make the choice and sacrifices to be there because its worth it.

Lazy, lazy, lazy jane...

2007-08-08T09:59:00.001-07:00

She wants a drink of water so she waits and waits and waits and waits for it to rain.
-Shel Silverstein

I am lazy. I wanted to go into my classroom this week and get set up, but when I was told the custodians were still cleaning and I may not be able to do much unpacking, I decided "Meh, might as well stay home and plan, do yoga and putter around the house."

Yesterday I spent an frustrating hour and a half at the pharmacy. I think my head might have popped off during the process. Apparently, my old district changed our prescription drug coverage, but I never received my new card because the department I filed my address change with obviously did not share that information with benefits (I have not lived at the other address for 2 plus years.) DUH. The pharmacist had to track down the new provider, get the new info and then redo my prescription. Also, my new coverage (which only goes through the end of the month) does not cover 90 days of a prescription, only 30. So for the same cost I get one month. Annoying. The prescription part is not a big deal. I just do not like spending an hour in the pharmacy because some half-wit forgot to update my address with the benefits department (and no, I am not the half-wit.)

Last night I made a pasta worth sharing. Its comes from Bon Apetit. I am not much of a fettuccine fan, but this is a great alternative: Linguine Avgolemono with Artichokes and Green Beans.

So Dad sent me this:

There was a time when I thought I wanted to be an engineer like my Dad, but I am a language person. Math was a language that did not make sense to me until adulthood. I could probably do it, but it does not mean I want to. It is important to me to enrich my classroom with science and math. This year I am in charge of the science night (first annual) at my new school. I am still working out what it will look like. Ideas? I would love to get some experts into my classroom and have them help with a project or something of that nature and have students present different concepts they have learned. Science and math was often just procedural when I was in school. Its much cooler to see it in action. My college chemistry class was wholly frustrating, but I loved the lab portion. I suppose CELSOC would be a good starting place. Thanks Dad!

Math is hard, let's go shopping

2007-07-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

I just completed 40 hours of math training. Its sort of the typical gig. I have the 20% rule. I get about 20% useful information - which in the course of 5 days is one day. Not bad. See, math is easy 1/5th is 20%. Got it.

Friday night I made a chicken salad with dijon (delicious) dressing. I found this champagne shallot mustard at my local grocery store and it makes for really good dressing. I actually did not have enough so I also added some of the dijon with the little mustard seeds in it - I have not idea what they are called. Seeds? Then JP and I watched 300. A bunch of over-muscled men shouting a lot, but not a bad story. I sort of stopped watching movies that are depressing or require too much thinking. After the film, we had a discussion and I said I do not really have an appreciation for good film. I am of the opinion that a lot of film today is easy to make because of the ability to sensationalize with high-tech. I do enjoy movies, but I think I often do not appreciate them the way I appreciate books.

Saturday I looked at an apartment in a downtown area and I really liked it, but again, it was in the price range that would really stretch me and wouldn't allow me to save any money. I live in a really cheap place and its really beautiful here. I can walk everyday to the market - less than 2 blocks from my house. Its pretty ideal. The new place was in a great neighborhood and when I do move in 6 months to a year I know that's the neighborhood where I want to find a place. At least that sort of helps. I can keep looking in just that area and when other really great places do come up, I'll have an idea of the value. There will be more places like this and the time v. money issue will be resolved eventually. But as of now, as I said before, I am committed to trying the commute for four months.

It was a good day. Very productive. For dinner last night, I made a Vietnamese beef noodle salad. I did not add bean sprouts because I can not stand them. It was really good. Although, I think I might use a different type of meat cut. The flank steak needed to be cut more thinly and I do not really have a knife for that, so perhaps a skirt steak. It was about the same price anyway.

Today was sort of lazy. I had every intention of going for my long run, but then decided to postpone it until tomorrow. BT and I ran 6 yesterday and lately I have not been feeling the run everyday thing, every other day is all I can motivate to do. JP and I have a date this afternoon and we are both hoping to sort of forget about all the stuff we have to do and relax for a bit. We both needed to save money and so dinners out and that sort of thing have been non-existent. Its sort of a nerd date because of where we are going, but it works for us.

Crraazzeeee

2007-07-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

To the psychopath in the black jag,

First of all, I merely realized I couldn't turn there so continued on my way. It did not entitle you to honk, scream, and then proceed to chase me for about 10 minutes swerving in front of me to get me to stop, then pulling up behind me and swerving in and out. You are certifiably insane. And why, I wonder when we stopped at three different lights, did you not get out and do something? Because you never were. You have a bad case of road rage, I do not really believe that you are a gang-banger despite the image that you and your boy toy with the jewel-stuff in his teeth tried to convey. You are just crazy. Like all the other crazies in this town. Believe me, I have seen my share of them living here. You did your job to scare me, because who the heck in their right mind chases someone on public streets, yelling at them to pull over...because they made a traffic mistake, but I'm not scared anymore. Because you, my love, are an idiot and insane. Next time you're not in your car, we'll see how it goes down. I mean, let's face it, you're driving a jag. That's not even a quality gang banger car, little old ladies like the the ones across the street from me, drive jags. I mean, at least get a Mercedes with some quality rims and tinted windows so I can't see your punk face. Or your BFs punk face with those silly gems in his teeth. So go crazy, rage on someone else, perhaps the complaint to the police I made will do some good and get your drunk/crazy/drugged-out/whatever behind slammed behind some bars for awhile. Or whatever happens to crazy people like you.

Yours,

Girl you chased for the evening...

I swear people in this town are certifiably insane. Really. I have experienced more stuff like this living here than anywhere I have lived in my life. I lived in a remodeled crack house once and used to come home to cops on various corners of my block. Even when the junkies came by at night, they would kindly leave when we told them we didn't have any drugs. I used to ride my bike to and from work. I've lived on the blocks that were the oasis between areas of town you didn't really want to walk alone through. The worst thing that happened was I got hit a couple times on my bike. It was pretty tame. I've crossed to street only to watch some guy pull a gun out of his belt as he went running to the other side. That sort of freaked me out. But most of these people want nothing to do with me. This place (sort of giving good reason to move, now aren't I) has more crazies per square inch that just about anywhere. A Halloween fair downtown produced more than a half dozen "gang-related" stabbings. A homeless guy on a bike tried to open the door to my car because he thought "we were laughing at him." There ismore violence and crime in this town (granted in places where I don't live or go) than many other cities in the U.S. where you would assume it would be way worse. The place I am supposed to move to has actually been rated one of the safest cities in the U.S. to live in terms of violent crime. Other friends in town have been screamed at, chased, and threatened. Even a good friend who lives in NY City hasn't had that many problems. And so today I get chased by some loca in a black jaguar around four city blocks, until I finally pulled into the police station and made a report to two officers. Nut-bags. I rid myself of your negative, hate-creating, fear-mongering energy because I'm Zen b#$@ch, that's right, I'm Zen.

Reactions

2007-07-27T11:09:00.001-07:00

Last night I attended a BBQ and sort of floated my thoughts about commuting. It was sort of amazing the reaction that idea created. People either gave me the "Hmm, yeah, I can see your dilemma..." or "Oh my GOD! You do NOT want to do that." Obviously the later have very strong reactions about commuting (probably not totally unlike my own.) Its a quality of life vs. money thing, ultimately. As I was driving home, however, I sort of got annoyed about the later reaction. I am one person looking for a studio or one bedroom. I can not afford to live in a house. Why not a find a roommate? Sure, thought about it. But I am sort of getting too old for that. The roommate could not have pets as I am uncomfortably allergic and the roommate would pretty much have to be okay with overnight guests. If I were to apply to their previously paid for apartment, I do not have those luxuries. I can not afford to put down upwards of $3-4000 for a place and then advertise for a roommate. Many of the BBQ attendees have high paying jobs, own their own homes and well, at this point in their lives do not have to look at places such as I have looked. They have not gone on line to see apartments (1 bd) for which you almost qualify for maximum income restrictions, but not quite. How does that make you feel? So, you really don't understand. And frankly, its not a big deal, but I have to figure it out and y'all with your strong opinions aren't helping. If I stay here and save money, ultimately making some quality of life sacrifices and adding extra pollution to the air (well aware, thanks) I might, just might, get that much closer to owning something, or at least that much closer to possibly having a roomie that could share the expense. (Not that that is my ultimate goal in love. Sort of makes me sound trite, doesn't it?)

On another note, I did see a potentially cute apartment in an old victorian - much more up my alley - in a historic part of town. Its very much in my price range and is actually a one bedroom. It has hardwood floors, which is pretty key for the allergy thing. I will go take a look tomorrow and then be in a better place to make a decision.

Retail Therapy

2007-07-26T16:03:00.002-07:00

The last several days have entailed a lot of nothing. After another discouraging house hunt on Monday, I had to reevaluate. Granted, I am not really doing everything I can to find a place to live, because, let's face it, I hate moving. Its always been fairly painless for me. I look at a couple of places, apparently get really lucky, move in a weekend and viola. So, the decision is to commute 40 minutes (on good days) each way and pay almost $400 less in rent each month, or move. Seems obvious, right? Well, let's weigh the options here. The $400 a month savings would go to the increase in gas, which based on the distance to my previous job, is actually exactly twice the distance. I would add and additional 36 miles per day. Plus additional wear and tear on my car (which is four years old.) Its about 13,000 miles for the 180 days of school. I typically get my car serviced every 3-5,000 for oil and stuff and 10,000 for the big ones. So, let's say that 4 oil changes and one and a half service per year. I just got new tires (and we're only talking about commuting for a year here, as a start.) Its approximately 3,700$ per year, providing no major break downs or accidents. Now on the rent side. $400 per month by 12 months. You do the math, $1000 dollars. That's a plane ticket the heck out of here to just about anywhere. Which, technically, isn't entirely correct. I didn't factor the increase of car expenses, just the total. I was paying half that per year, previously. Add five, carry the one, borrow from the tens column, plus or minus...okay, so more like $2800.

Is it worth it?

On the flip side, you know how I feel about exercise, so you can probably guess how I feel about sitting in my car for long periods of time.

Which one will win out? Savings or sanity. Screw it, Hawaii here I come!

So, in trying to come to my decision, I continue to avoid it. Yesterday I needed new make-up (but you're gorgeous, you say, you don't need it...Please, we aren't gettin' any younger here people,) so I went online to see if it was free gift time - indeed! And the Nordstrom anniversary sale! Darn. I did so well these last months trying to save money that I decided to treat myself (right, because I needed it...) Well, there were these really cute wedge pumps (see below) and my black shoes seem to be falling to pieces one by one, and they were on SALE. (My, how we justify.) You gotta love that there is an entire industry just to make us gals happy. I'm not super materialistic, but man do I love my shoes, any kind: running shoes, Keens, my comfy Simple sandals, the gold strappy sandals I wore to my bro's wedding, a few pairs of kooky espadrille wedges, my Franco Sarto knee high black boots...Some girls dye their hair, I like to put on fun shoes. It could be worse.

The CA Landscape

2007-07-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

I experienced the diversity of California over the past few days. I had grown tired of long drives and felt wary of my gas consumption this summer, so I took the train up to meet my hiking partner - mom.

I used to take the train a lot when I had no car and needed no car. I walked, took public transit and for long trips took the train or bummed a ride. Its a great way to travel - you can sleep, get work done, read a good book, meet strange people, etc. On one occasion, the train hit something and we were stopped for three hours. Public transit stops running at some point and that was my way home, as I was a college student who did not carry money for cabs. (Lesson learned.) A kindly gentlemen with a 4-year daughter in tow loaned me $20 with a business card, as I was pretty panicked about how I would get home. I mailed a check and a thank you promptly and received a Christmas card with picture of the two the following holiday. It was pretty cool.

On this particular occasion, I was on the train that hit a woman committing suicide. We were stopped for two hours. It must be sort of eerie for any conductor that has hit someone. I noticed there were several accidents with trains during this same week. I can hardly fault the train, however, sort of seems like an unlikely beast to halt.

California is an amazingly diverse state. The train passes through housing, parks, industrial zones filled with trash or miscellaneous things to buy, and open spaces. The drive to our hikes starting point was a much starker and some areas were completely untouched. We drove along highway 395, which traverses the backside of the Sierra Nevada. Heading south, you pass Mono Lake and some of the most barren high desert country. Brown juggernauts of rock surround expanses that alternate treeless flatlands of more coffee-colored rock with green river oases. The town of Bishop lies between these expanses. It seems more or less a single wind torn street lined with the usual hodge-podge of gas, fast-food and lodging. We ate at the famous Schatt's Bakery before heading to South Lake, just outside of Bishop, where we would begin our hike. The hike was really more of a Sherpa trek. We agreed to carry 20 pounds each of food up to the Bishop pass to a couple of thru-hikers on the John Muir Trail. The man was a colleague of my mom's and he was hiking the 270-mile trail from Yosemite to Mt. Whitney portal with his son.

We,unfortunately, could not backcountry camp because of the food situation. It would have been a very heavy haul to take their food, plus our gear, and we lacked bear canisters. And honestly, neither of us was in good enough shape to haul 40 lbs of stuff up to almost 12,000 feet. We did a quick hike to acclimate, up to Treasure Lakes (about 5.5 miles round trip.) The trail from South Lake begins among subalpine trees and splits after about a mile. If you head right, you climb to Treasure Lakes, left, Bishop Pass. Treasure Lakes are radiant turquoise alpine lakes nestled at the foot of the surrounding peaks. It was fairly windy when we arrived, so we soon skirted back to our base camp, Parcher's Resort. Parcher's Resort has hikers cabins you can rent for up to two nights - to help you get acclimated, I suppose.

Early the next morning we started up the same trail, this time veering left to Bishop Pass. The sunlight only barely glistening from behind the mountain peaks, gently brushed the tops of conifers and subalpine deciduous trees. The geology of the area is also quite fantastic. Rocks swirled with reds and gold lined the trail in one section, while glacier pounded granite jutted from other areas. The trail begins at about 9,000+ feet and our eventual destination would be at 11,972 feet, Bishop Pass. The first 5 miles traverses mild switchbacks between the flat sections that pass three alpine lakes. We arrived at the first of the lakes after an hour plus of hiking, Long Lake. Long Lake was spectacular. Approaching Long Lake you are greeted with more glistening turquoise water, green conifers and wildflowers of brilliant orange, purple, and yellow. The peaks beyond appear as gray mounds of rock, like giants had laboriously piled day after day until the jagged points touched the sky. Another switchback passed a second set of lakes and the final switchback passed Bishop and Leavenworth lakes. Heading out of Bishop Lake the trail began to climb the final 700-800 feet to the pass. It staircased up a rocky path, the switchbacks tightening with each subsequent pass. The packs heavy, the air thin and our legs feeling the burn, it was a slow go. At the final stretch, when looking back to where we came revealed each of the lakes traversed and the final taxing climb now behind us, we could see our party anxiously wondering if it was indeed us with their food. Mom decided we should hike in a special lunch as well, as a treat, so at the top we shared apples, homemade brownies and blts with garden fresh tomatoes. Following lunch, we exchanged the food for trash and other various objects they begged to off-load, then said our good-byes and headed down opposite sides of the mountain. Mom and I arrived back to South Lake, in about half the time it took us to complete the 6 miles up. We were both weary, caked in dirt, and sun and wind baked. It was a gorgeous hike and we enjoyed, mostly, every minute of it.

Life's Little Interruptions

2007-07-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

Life sort of took over and sitting down to write became increasingly more difficult. Let's see:

(1) I have a new position as a 4th grade teacher in a dual immersion program;
(2) I continue to look for housing that isn't going to break the bank, a harder feat than I originally imagined;
(3) I met that someone that, happily, takes up my "free" time (you're on summer vacation, you say...ha);
(4) I attended a conference and learned some new and valuable stuff;
(5) I try to get a little bit of work in each day to make next year more bearable;
(6) Undergoing allergy treatment has proved to create more problems than treat at the moment;
(7) Visited my brother and new sister-in-law in Oregon (that's me climbing - great fun); and
(8) I have been doing a lot of reading (love summer break for that.)

It is both totally stressful and totally fulfilling to have all sorts of life changes at the moment. It was absolutely overwhelming to find out just how much work I have ahead of me. It was fulfilling to attend a session in the conference that sort of focused that work. It was totally stressful to find out I have a one month pay gap between districts that I didn't plan on. That required a little financial planning and reconfiguring of stuff. It was cathartic. Maybe I should buy a van and live out of it instead. There was a guy who used to come up every summer to teach summer school. He lived in his car for 5 weeks, eventually saving enough money to buy a house where he lives - which is a considerable cheaper area that pays its teachers considerably more. I guess I don't want it badly enough. I am getting there, however.

My new district/school has a lot of opportunity to make extra money through training stipends and extra hours, which I will need to take advantage of as much as possible. When I signed on with the new district, they sent me a packet of about 2 dozen trainings that you could attend - paid/for pay/for a stipend/etc. - something I NEVER saw in the old district. Funny. The district/school also paid for 9 teachers and our principal to attend the 2-way Dual Immersion Conference. We are also being paid for 40 hours of work this summer. I would do the work anyway, but its sort of a nice bonus. All of the professional development opportunities and any extra $$ opportunities make you feel so much more valued as a professional educator. My time is actually worth something. Wow. What a totally different feeling. I am sure, with time, there will be things that are annoying, but I certainly feel like I have found a better place for my ideas and personality. Somewhere I can grow.

I have been enjoying my time this summer. Sometimes I sleep late, laze all day, and get very little work or exercise done. Other days, I am immensely productive. It was nice to have time to visit my brother, even if it was a short visit. Although given the dog, there is no way it could have been any longer as I was struggling with my allergies. We went on a beautiful hike around a lake near a volcano. We got to go climbing at dusk in a gorgeous canyon. We ran a 5K on 4th of July. And just had a really nice visit.

The new person in my life is day by day proving to be a good balance for me and truly wonderful. We have a lot of fun together and just seem to work. It is sort of unfortunate that I am moving about 40 minutes away, which is not a big deal. It has made me rather reluctant to find a new apartment, particularly because I have seen a lot of junk for a lot of money. I could save money staying here, but I don't think I would survive commuting for very long. It is a hard commute and I detest being in the car. I figure things will all fall into place. I just need to put out a little more effort on the housing front. It is pretty exhausting and stressful process, so I have been casually avoiding it. Typical.

I want to post some more about my learnings. I have found a ton of great resources that really match my goals and personal teaching philosophy. I might have found these resources on my own eventually, but I was led there by all the training and new interactions in my new school/district. That is what is just so exceptional. As the months progress, I am sure this will become filled with my successes and frustrations. There are many new challenges ahead.

A strangely sad moment (and some good news)

2007-06-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in months. Time sort of became consumed by applying for new jobs, interviewing for new jobs, accepting a new job, meeting a new person and such. I have accepted a position at a dual immersion school for fourth grade and am quite stoked. That's the good news.

The year did not end well. Parents were angered by some decisions made at the end about our bilingual program. I tried not to feel guilty that my leaving made the situation difficult because finding bilingual teachers is challenging. But my old district makes it clear that it doesn't want to support bilingual programs if it can help it.

I have been enjoying my time off, but after six days am feeling a little bored. I have plenty to do, but sort of like doing nothing but reading, cooking, running and doing yoga.

I went to the drugstore this afternoon to get some random stuff. I stood in front of the father's day cards and suddenly felt teary and thought of my friend's dad who died last summer. It was such a strangely sad moment.

Quite possibly the very worst day

2007-04-19T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have not watched much of the follow-up of the Virginia school shooting. I keep meaning to have a class discussion about it. In fact, some of the parents have asked me if we are talking about it. I could not stomach watching the news about it.

There are just too many questions. What brings a person to such a state as to act in such a horrific manner? As a teacher, you feel like you have failed at any occurrence of violence. Did I do something to lower this student's self-esteem? Could a few more minutes of my time at lunch or before school have made a difference? How do I help my students to understand the so-called "way of the peaceful warrior"? They hear and learn about Ghandi, King Jr., and Chavez, among others. We role play problem solving. We have class meetings to solve problems. We learn how to listen to one another. The behavior expectations are there. They know that if I can not trust them out on the playground to play in a safe, inclusive manner, then they can lose that privilege. We discuss behaviors that would qualify as unsafe and the consequences.

And sometimes you could talk and role-play until you're blue in the face and today would happen...

A student (first grade) from my class brought a pocket knife to school. He took it out on the playground, told some girls (also from my class) that he had it and was going "to kill them." The girls told him to give them the knife and they wanted to take it to the yard duty (good thing they've got some good sense) and when he didn't they ran off to tell the yard duty. He, in the meantime, passed the knife to another student and asked him to put it in his backpack. The other boy, wanting to protect his friend, took the knife. Then the first student told the yard duty he threw the knife in the grass. When I went to pick them up from lunch, the students were quick to tell me what happened. The second boy never said he had the knife or handed it over to me. By the time we returned to class, the VP caught up with me and both boys went with him.

I spent the afternoon with the VP talking to their parents, getting the students to tell the truth about what happened and in between calling the parents of a few students who were visibly in shock (one girl to the point of vomiting and she went home early.) The boys were suspended for different amounts of time.

Tomorrow I will wear my many hats - counselor, teacher, magician...And try to make sense of why this child felt the need to bring a knife to school and threaten his peers. There was no indication that his behavior was building up to this.

This was quite possibly the worst day of my teaching career. Despite knowing that I can not ask what I could have done to make my class safer and the students more respectful of one another, I do. I find fault in my own lack of ability to perform miracles. We are human, we fail a hundred times miserably before getting it better. And I must remember that they are still first graders. While they may understand right from wrong, they are not adults. They are children who need a lot more love and understanding and to be steered in a better direction.

5.10b

2007-04-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

I kept saying that I would try harder climbs and really challenge myself. On Monday I actually climbed some 5.10s at the gym out of town and they were more like 5.8s-5.9s at my local gym. Apparently, and fortunately, most of the route setters at my gym are actually pretty true to the outdoors. Of course, its also time to get my butt out there. Today I attempted a 5.10b. It was actually way more fun than anything I had been climbing and proved to me that I have actually improved a lot. I fell twice on the start and then got it, fell again around the middle, was completely pumped out and had to come down. I tried a second time after a break, completed the first stretch quite well, fell a couple of times at the middle and eventually after several hangs to get my strength back, made it to the top. Of course my forearms and fingers are so sore typing this post is a workout in itself.

Its quite interesting as I think about sports and my life and my friends and my students. Most of my friends were/are exceptional athletes. Maybe not in the sport we do now, but I have (and had in the past) friends who were gymnasts, swimmers, divers, runners, water polo players, triathletes, volleyball players and basketball players at a high enough caliber to impress others. Many of my female friends have taken up running and train for 10ks, half marathons, and (oddly) even full marathons. Sports obviously taught us about some important things: discipline, balance, agility, determination, perseverance, courage, friendship, goal-setting, sportsmanship, commitment, success and failure. There are certainly other ways to learn these things, but I think that for many of my friends sports played a very large part in who we became as adults. We are successful, confident, determined, risk-taking, healthy, active, caring, helpful and mostly well-balanced people. There are ways to teach a lot of those skills/qualities, but athletics is what I know best and seems to be the easiest. For many of my students this year, I think of how much they would benefit from a better integrated physical ed program than I have been able to offer them. It is not merely enough to teach them games as part of a 20 minute time period once a day. It needs to be more wholly integrated into everything we do, somehow. Of course, that's one of those time things and there is so much emphasis on reading, writing and arithmetic that often those students who demonstrate that physical/spatial intelligence do not have opportunities to shine. Now that the study about exercise making you smarter has made waves, I can dedicate a little more time each day to incorporating it into our learning...and no one can get on my case about it because there's research to prove it. I'm thinking football drills as we chant sums, like when the are in rows running in place and then have to drop and do push-ups and repeat. Let's whip those first graders into some real shape. Relax, I will stick to what I know.

(Picture from: gotolatin.com)

Healthy Day #2

2007-04-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

I have this hot brown dress and new strappy gold sandals. However, I haven't been exercising consistently in the last months and my diet has been horrible. I never eat fast food and I had it four times in the last two weeks. Instead of cooking regular breakfast, I keep waking up late and getting a coffee on my way or some other fat-laden, calorie heavy delight. I ate a student lunch one day because I was at Open House until 9 and didn't feel like stopping to get groceries or cooking. It consisted of tater tots and chicken sticks. I finished off a bag of jelly beans between Thursday afternoon and this past Tuesday on my drive. I had several dinners that involved consecutive snacking instead of making an actual meal. We all go through this, even the most disciplined fall. Having this break has helped me get back on track. Today, I walked a mile and a half to the trail head, ran four, then walked back. I washed my car. Then I made soup. It was a cold cucumber, yogurt soup with grilled salmon and a cucumber and pepper salsa. It was delicious. Two days of a return to a more normal exercise and diet schedule and I feel lighter, healthier and rested. Its amazing what a little adjustment can do. We should all have a few days of rest every four months or so. It does wonders for the body, mind and complexion.

You're SOOO Jealous

2007-04-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have managed three days without getting called in for jury duty (and now I am going to jinx it.) So today, I woke up at 9 am, did some clean up, had some coffee and a light breakfast. I went and mailed my taxes (okay, you're not jealous about that if you get a refund,) and then went to do some shoe shopping to go with my dress for bro's wedding. Then, I remembered it was farmer's market day! I went to the gym did some stretching, ran some sprints on the moving floor, did some weights and more stretching and abs. After a pretty good sweat, I showered and got in the sauna, relaxing for a good 20 minutes. By then it was time for the farmer's market. Hurray! I never go because it is either at the time yoga is on Saturday or Wednesday afternoon. Usually staff meetings are on Wednesdays. So I meandered over to the market. I got beets, English cucumbers, various herbs, lettuce, these round cucumbers, STRAWBERRIES, and a jar of these heirloom tomatoes. I came home after getting some other misc at the regular market and then I cooked. I made the most wonderful polenta, tomato and squash pie. Swirling yellow, red and green and delicious. I cooked up some polenta (add fresh herbs - rosemary and sage - and salt.) While that bubbled I sliced the round zuchinni into the bottom of the pan and covered with olive oil. When the polenta was cooked I poured it over the zuchinni, then added a layer of the heirloom tomatoes and a layer of parmesan cheese. Bake for 25 minutes more or less - VIOLA! Finish off with some jasmine tea and strawberries in a little cream and its the perfect late afternoon lunch. What a perfectly lovely day! Let's hope no jury duty tomorrow so I can do more of this wonderful dallying.

Admit it, I may not be in Hawaii, but: you're still jealous.

Trader Hater

2007-04-02T20:10:00.000-07:00

I do not like Trader Joes. There, I said it. Hate me. I was pretty hyped up this afternoon after a long run, a healthy meal and a bath. Then I had to get gas. And I thought I would make a side trip to Trader Joes. This Wednesday is Open House and I like to have cookies and things for parents, so I thought I'd stop there. I think this often and I never seem to learn the lesson. I went in there thinking that I would find the things I wanted. But I never do. I always have the same gut-wrenching response to that place and wonder why I wasted my time. There literally is NOTHING worth buying in that place, yet I manage to buy stuff...leaving in an annoyed state because its never what I wanted. Why didn't I just go to Safeway? I am sure no one ever experiences this sense of loathing at TJs, everyone else seems to love it. Not me, I officially HATE TJs. I know, strong statement, but the place drives me nuts. Everytime I say I am not going back, I do, and then I say it again. WHY? I don't know. I guess its just the over packaging, the stale bread and hardly fresh fruit or vegetables. The food packaged as healthy, but really it isn't. So, there you have it, I am a trader hater.

Calgon, take me away

2007-04-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

I am most assuredly ready for a break. My allergies continue and this weekend was another one spent sleeping more than anything else as ears and throat throbbed and itched. Annoying. I know, its relative. I'm just kind of done with the allergy season lasting from December until now. I know two things for sure. My allergies may be as bad. And I need an apartment with hardwood floors. If Spring break doesn't help the stress aspect of all of this, I may decide to move by May. I don't know how much more I can take. Its all really quite interesting. My body responds to stress in the worst of ways. When I had to sit at a desk all day, I dealt with chronic pain. Now, I seem to get allergies and sinus infections. I notice that when I eat well, exercise a lot, and am generally balanced, allergies and sinuses are not nearly as bad. I hope the shots do the trick, but if not, then I may have to seriously reorganize my life and figure out how to eliminate stress pretty much all together. Americans may not believe it, but honestly there is an amazing amount of pressure that I have never felt living in other countries. There are obviously trade-offs, but something has to shift because the stress is going to get us all. And life is too short to spend it feeling lousy all the time because you are too stressed. I tend to agree, although she gets a little wacky at times, with my yoga teacher. She says that we find what we love and dedicate ourselves to that, the stress dissolves. Its all about understanding the balance between what is necessary for the job and what is necessary for you. As I make my decision for next year in terms of jobs, I have to really look at my own willingness to become part of a school where I am going to work 10 hour days. I probably do that many days regardless, but the trick is knowing that I can leave if I want to and do not feel like people are looking at me like I am less dedicated. I suppose I will commit myself to knowing that at least twice a week, I will go home early. Much of my problem is organization. No matter what I do, I feel like I can not find and organization method that works for me. The beautiful thing about moving to a higher grade is getting the students to help with that, share the work and teach them values in the process. Right? I just need to take the time to organize myself in the classroom, organize myself at home and give myself some room to relax/exercise. I also hope that with older students I will not be plagued by the germies of first graders. Here's to life changes...and hoping!

Battlestar Galactica Crossroads, Part II

2007-03-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, does anyone else feel like that climax was someone's drug induced "brilliant" idea? Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower"? Really? That finale frakin' sucked, sorry. The scene in the courtroom was great. The business with Tyrol, Tigh, Tory and Anders hearing the song was HOKEY. "Oh, we all hear the song, we must be Cylons. But we're going to do our jobs because these humans are to be protected." What?!? What qualities did these characters ever have to merit their being Cylons? The writers were all sitting around high as kites one day and decided, "Dude, you know what would be really cool? If a bunch of characters heard this song and it was All Along the Watchtower and then they figured they must be Cylons, but still want to save the fleet...Oh, and Kara comes back ready to lead the fleet to Earth." TA-DA. Totally disappointed. It felt like the last ten minutes were part of a music video. I think they could have done better. It was like the writers ran out of steam. BSG bit the big one on that finale.

Return to Normal

2007-03-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

I went and climbed today for the first time in awhile. One of the regulars asked me to climb with him, then proceeded to make me do laps. Climbing laps are a great way to get in shape, but incredibly painful if you are out of shape. Kind of like anything. I did a 5.9 for three laps, and then died. I got a break while he did 5 laps on a much harder route. Then I did 5 laps on a different 5.9. Its funny because despite how infrequently I have been climbing the last several months, due to all the bouldering, I have reached a point where 5.9 is pretty easy. It used to be a bit of a struggle. It felt so great. In the last week, I feel like my life has returned to me. I am in control of my job situation. I am finally getting back to exercising because my allergies and infections are getting better. I almost feel like December to March are wasted months for me. Somehow I have to get a handle on the allergies and stress that tend to control my life during those months, not to mention the winter blahs, which were not nearly as bad as last year. It just feels great. In the next months, I will decide on a new employer, find a new home and be illness free. And I can not wait to do some backpacking soon. Return to calm.

Ta-da

2007-03-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

At this very moment, I hold three offers of employment in my hand and I have an interview with a fourth district on Tuesday. It kind of feels like when I applied to college and got those acceptance letters back from my first and second choice. Of course, makes for some hard decision making, but its really quite cool.

I finally decided that despite the sheer beauty of where I live, there is not much else keeping me here. On average, three out of four weekends I tend to travel 50 minutes north to hang out with friends. I can make about 10,000 more a year moving there, and cost of living is about the same, if not less. And my allergies, either due to my apartment or the environement, are horrible here. I have had six terrible sinus infections in the last year, all allergy induced.

Oh, and yes, all the offers are districts to the north. So, while there are a few little things I will be giving up, it hardly outweighs the great big things I will be gaining. So, this is all pretty exciting. Its funny, someone said to me, my parents must be proud. Sure, okay, but I'm kind of an adult now, and I work freakin' hard, I am smart and in a lot of ways I am good at what I do, so I'm damn proud. There were hundreds of people at this job fair. Mind you, I am certain there are a lot of positions as well, but to have three offers and a fourth interview, that is darn impressive. So, I am going to be insanely conceited right now because goodness knows for all the crap I had been feeling lately, this is a welcome change of fortune.

MARCH MADNUUUSSS!

2007-03-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

I am closet March Madness lover. I turn on the games when I get home from work. And they play until they are over while I work, clean, cook, etc. I LOVE the quality of ball, LOVE the upsets, LOVE the thrill of who's going on to the next round. I don't even care to watch the whole game. Its so much better to watch a close game in the last ten minutes, anyway. Well, today did not disappoint, DUKE is OUT. I probably have no idea about half the teams and the only team I care about truly isn't in contention (by the way, what's a bubble team?) but I know enough to know that Duke is always a strong contender and they make it to the finals often. VCU upsets by 2. Some very nice bball, y'all! Its usually such great team ball, something the NBA seems to have forgotten and I bore watching them anymore. UCLA won too and since bro went there, have to get excited about that. Its kind of funny. I don't watch any sports all year long, but bring on the MADNUUUUUUUUUUUS!

(Hey, I was feeling like all my posts were total downers, okay?)

Sick in bed

2007-03-14T00:39:00.000-07:00

I spent Monday and Tuesday asleep instead of at work. My body ached, my head hurt, I was coughing up my lungs and there was not enough Kleenex to contain the amount of mucous that came out of my nose. I know, gross.

I watched bad afternoon television and slept a lot. I tried to read, but that was even kind of taxing and I have not been able to get into three books I have started. Its been a slow month for reading. It occurred to me, however, as I watched various daytime shows - Ellen, Rachel Ray, Martha, Oprah: how do they manage to fill those audiences? It seems almost impossible that for all the talk shoes and what not out there that they could manage to fill and entire audience day after day. I only assume its a live taping, but perhaps I am wrong on that account, which would make it slightly more credible. I just find it hard to believe that there are that many people day after day with NOTHING to do but sit in a studio audience. So if you imagine there are approximately 100 seats in a show room times five shows per week for (let's say for average sake) 45 weeks out of a year. That's 22,500 people per year on one show. Then figure the number of shows out there times that many people. I don't even know how many shows exist. How about 7? 157,500 people total just to go to a talk show. I know its smaller than the population of most places, but really?!? I still can't figure out who these people are that go sit through one of these shows. Do they have plants whose job it is to sit in the audience day after day and get paid? Like at the Oscars, you can be a seat filler for when people get up to go to the bathroom. I found this little discourse I had with myself while on my death bed to be quite entertaining.

As for the shows themselves, I thought Ellen was kind of amusing, Rachel Ray is annoying and a TERRIBLE interviewer, Martha is pedantic and disconnected, and Oprah is Oprah. Today on Martha there was some woman that makes these gorgeous roses out of coffee filters. They look real. It was painful to watch these two women make them and the dialogue made me want to poke the stems in my eyes from shear boredom. Martha asked the woman how much she charges for her roses and it was somewhere in the neighborhood of $75-100. What?!? Sure they last forever and they take as long to make, but I don't need roses that badly. Rachel Ray must have had someone tell her she needs to have more black talent on her show because her guests both days and again tomorrow were black. Either she did not know them as well as she claims she does, or she really is a terrible interviewer. Ellen had on the climbers from Mt. Hood that fell in a storm and survived 20 hours before they were rescued. Their dog took turns laying on them to keep them warm. Everyone loves a feel good story. Yesterday Oprah had these two women on that could make you look 10-30 pounds slimmer just by changing their clothes. The before photos made me want to cry. The majority of these women wore sweat pants or baggy jeans and t-shirts or sweatshirts. One of them was even a teacher who wore such things to work. People?!? This is unacceptable. Do you somehow think by not caring it will make you look like you are more dedicated to your job? No, no, no. It does not cost that much more money to upgrade a little. Ugh. It makes me think of some people I work with and the atrocities they wear. I will never understand why track suits are considered proper attire for work or even jeans for that matter. If there was one thing I learned while living in Europe it was that taking care of your appearance is part of projecting how you want to be treated. If you dress like a slob, expect to be treated as such. If you dress professionally, expect to be treated such. Oh, and according to the what-not-to-wear-girls get a good bra and some decent chonies, like the ones that suck in your belly and cover up your derriere real good.

So there you have it. You have officially been updated as to daytime television land. I return to the land of the living tomorrow and hope to be in full swing by this weekend. There will be interviewing, we hope!

Ciao!

Spending your way into oblivion

2007-03-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

I read this trashy novel recently about this woman who had a spending problem. She goes on her honeymoon around the world and can not, much to the chagrin of her husband, stop buying stuff. She gets home and somewhere in the neighborhood of four trucks filled with stuff shows up at her flat. By the end of the book she has to learn from her miserly long-lost half-sister how to be more spendthrift. I think I could use a lesson in how to be more spendthrift at the moment.

While I am surely characterized by others as someone who is reasonable with her expenses, I began to feel a little out of control. I kind of stopped paying attention to what I was spending and what I was saving. Yikes. A little budgeting and restraint never hurt anyone. So, until June there has been a moratorium on buying anything that does not fall under the umbrella of normal monthly expenses - food, rent, gas, electricity. Its going to be a long Spring. At least the sun is out and the weather will be perfect, so I can spend all my time playing outside, then it will not matter. Ahh, yes, I bore you all. Worry not, I will be including brother's wedding expenses in the normal montly expenses. Normal for April. And you can all rejoice that I will be spending my Spring break, most likely, waiting to see if I get called for jury duty. That's right, doin' my civic duty, y'all! That's mostly because I do NOT want to do it this summer. I have got better things planned.

Rainy Sunday Soup

2007-02-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

I find cooking soup to be rather cathartic. During the cold, rainy months of winter I spend many Sunday evenings making soup. Today's soup was a red lentil Thai soup. Delicious. The only bummer was it wasn't nearly as pretty as the picture in the cookbook. Now, I wait for my olive oil couscous cake to finish. I know, sounds weird, but I wanted to try it. Bon Appetit recipe. It was an evening of substitutions, however. I could not find bird's eye (the red one) chilis at the store, substitute serrano. I had spices with no labels in my cabinet - hmm, smells like coriander (could be cardamon, who knows?) and paprika (also might be cayenne...) No lime, substitute lemon. The soup substitutions were easy and it turned out quite yummy. Then for the cake, no muscat, boiled some red with sugar until it got a little syrupy. Did not have an orange so I used the lemon peel. It called for date syrup, but I decided to make a wine reduction instead. It is all a bit of an adventure and could taste terrible. That's what cooking is all about. Just don't venture with expensive ingredients, that's when it kind of stinks. This cake, apart from the olive oil and eight eggs, was fairly cheap to make. Especially since I didn't buy the right wine. I'll let you know how it tastes. Smells good in my oven.

A Kinder, Gentler DMV

2007-02-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

Remember the horror stories of the DMV. The hour long way followed by a confrontation with something that resembled death-warming-over ready to say NO to whatever the issue. Now, when you go to the DMV, they give you a number. A calm voice announces, "Number B0072 now being served at window 8." I even heard sounds of laughter today as people were conducting their business and getting pictures taken. I wanted to know if there was anything else I could do about a parking ticket I felt was issued unfairly and was denied the opportunity to contest because I was out of the coutry while the time elapsed. I had no knowledge of the ticket until it arrived in my mail and I retrieved it a month later upon returning from China. By then, a fee increase and a denial to protest the citation. The kindly man at the DMV today said, "Keep fighting it! Those officers abuse their power sometimes and if you think it was issued unfairly, petition - again and again." So the City has not heard the end of me. You might think it trivial and a waste of my time, but darnnit, that officer did abuse his authority and pretty much issued the ticket because I issued an expletive. While rude, not illegal as far as I know. Hey, I was PMSing, it does some wacked out things.

I love the DMV. I think I will holiday there. People were having fun, they were smiling to do their job. A tough job, no doubt. But it was just so darned quick, easy and pleasant, better there than the dentist. Seems like other official places of business could take a lesson from the kinder, gentler DMV.